A Little of Everything

Occupy Wallstreet

2011-10-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

I read this article called "A Letter to the Occupy Together Movement" It was an odd article rather amorphous in its statements and I had to take it apart to find its meaning. In a way it looked like a lot of ideas all mashed together with large academic words for example here:

"In creating a unified space of opposition to the 1% who hold a concentration of power and wealth, we must simultaneously foster critical education to learn about the systemic injustices that many of us in the 99% continue to face. This should not be pejoratively dismissed as “identity politics,” which for many re-enforces the patterns of marginalization. The connection between the nature and structure of the political economy and systemic injustice is clear: the growing economic inequality being experienced in this city and across this country is nothing new for low-income racialized communities, particularly single mothers, all of whom face the double brunt of scape-goating during periods of recession."

If you read it critically, it is clear enough, but there is something about the large and academic phrases like: "re-enforces the patterns of marginalization" that I have an emotional reaction to due to encountering people who talk this way. People who go to collage and think big thoughts that they have read in large books. People who say one thing but behave in quite another way. Hypocrites. That in itself made it difficult to read but underneath the words the meaning is actually something I can get behind.

I'm pretty sure this paragraph is saying that people who are part of the 99% need to keep in mind that a large part of the 99% are different from them and the oppression that everyone faces is valid. It is easy to feel superior to other groups and try and dismiss them because they have less power. Such thinking will destroy the cohesion of the 99%.

In another paragraph the author talks about how the word 'occupy' is a difficult concept to unite under for many indigenous people because of how they have been oppressed by 'occupying' peoples.

I was annoyed by this slightly but like she points out most people feel that way and it is percicely this annoyance that divides people. After she explained I realized the indigenous people have a valid point about how the very language we use comes from the people we are trying to protest against. They want to bring attention to the fact that what we are protesting is not just that the rich are rich, and the poor are poor, but that everything in our society, including the way the whole world thinks, is built to keep it that way. We have to use our brains to question the way we do and think about everything, and realize that the very fabric of our lives is binding us to be the oppressed 99% majority.

Unfortunately I think people are really tring to avoid coming to this realization. It is rather frightening. In order to have fairness we have to re-envision the whole world. Its mind boggling and makes people feel uncertain and unbalanced. She points out however that we are not going to change the world if we don't look at the world honestly. And I think she has a point: a wordy hard to understand point, but a really good one.

New Bed

2011-10-18T16:05:00.000-07:00

My old bed had a rich history. I bought it in Seattle at Macy's on sale for 500$ and had it delivered to my apartment. I felt very grown up. Even though I didn't have a car and had to take the bus to the store. It lasted perhaps three years before the combined weight of me and my fiance made it sag in the middle. Which gave me no end of back problems. Eventually my friend moved and gave me her bed frame that she had bought at Ikia for under a hundred dollars. For some reason having the bed higher helped but not enough.

Then she decided to go to China and she gave me her old mattress, which was better than mine. I kept the box spring though and she had a board that I slid inbetween the box spring an dthe top mattress. This helped a lot with the sagging in the middle. And so for years my bed was really mostly hers. Except for the box spring.

But this year I noticed that my back was starting to hurt again and the bed sags noticeably in the middle and along the edge where I climb off every morning. So my mom made a comment and I thought about it and eventually I agreed that she was right that I needed a new bed. But she didn't want to get me one that had all those flame retardents on it.

We did some research online. Turns out the kind of bed that was good for your back and didn't have the nasty flame retardant stuff that might aggravate my allergies were the most expensive beds. I'm so high maintenance.

But she bought it anyways. We went down to Higgens and bought a brand new Tempur-pedic cloud supreme bed. And boy is it supreme. I love it. The cool thing is it should last for 20 years. I won't have to go bed shopping for ages.

Why is everything in everything?

2011-10-05T14:30:00.000-07:00

So I went out for ice cream at Baskin and Robbins last week. Which I've done before since I figured out my food sensitivity. I figured ice cream is safe as long as I stay away from obviously bad things like nuts, peanut butter and ice cream cones right? But as I walked a long with my World Class Chocolate in a cup I thought: maybe when I get home I'll just check.

And right there in black and white it reads : partially hydrogenated palm kernel oil.

Oh crap. So for the next two days I suffer, not just with the gas and the diarrhea but with the guilt of "why was I so cavalier about my allergy?". I didn't mean to be I just didn't think.

Thankfully my reaction to palm kernel oil seems to be milder than some of the other oils. There was no nausea, vomiting or depression. But it reminded me of why I'm so grateful that my mom and dad make such a huge effort to keep this kind of thing out of the house. I cant imagen how someone dose this alone. My mom was the one who reminded me that vitimines might have oils in them, my dad is the one who found a safe source of lard and has it shipped to me at enormous expense.

If I had a job I would have to get really good at trying to eat out. I have yet to even call a restaurant and try to see if there is anything I can eat. I've done all my research on the relatively anonymous internet or cooked all my own food.

Turns out I'm not the only to have these kinds of accidents. My mom found me a book at the library called "Allergy Girl " she actually suffers from food allergies. The kind of thing that requires an epi pen. And she described some of her slip ups. Most of which were with people she was dating.

I have some allergies too. I'm really allergic to fragrances. Its getting to the point that I just have to have one good breathful of something I'm allergic to and my eyes swell up and I get sick for several hours to several days. If I can take some Aserola Vitimine C I can calm the symptoms but its getting scary. Every few days I walk past someone at the store or climb in an elevator and have a reaction. I have to carry vitemine C with me everywhere.

I stopped dating someone because of it. When I brought it up he told me that the way to get over an allergy was to be exposed to whatever it was and work up an immunity. Unfortunately for me that only works if you know what it is! I have no idea what it is in fragrances that I'm allergic to. But it seems to be in everything, soap, shampoo, laundry detergent, aftershave, and magazines even. I've gotten to the point where I have to avoid books from the library that have come in contact with people who wear too much scent. It rubs off on the book and I can get sick just from reading it. I realized when he didn't take it siriously it wasn't going to work out.

Thankfully the person I'm dating now has made his place completely friendly to me. And it hasn't been easy. He had to change laundry detergent, soap and shampoo. Hes even made sure there's food at his house which is okay for me to eat and the most amazing thing about it? Hes done it without complaint or making a big deal out of it. I can't get over how wonderful and safe it makes me feel. Ive never felt safe like that with anyone I've dated.

Allergy girl says that if you take your allergy seriously other people will too. I'm finding that its true. I've become more serious about my allergies and my health and I find that people in the world respond to that. Its not always a positive response but its not always the negative response that I thought it would be either. In a way its forced me to be more assertive. Probably a good thing but disconcerting none the less.

The Discovery

2011-06-23T00:44:00.000-07:00

It started last Christmas. I felt awful. I had belly cramps, cold sweats, nausea and then I started throwing up. I thought it was the flu or perhaps I'd eaten some bad food. But it didn't get better. The vomiting abated somewhat but the nausea continued. It was worse in the mornings, but if I didn't eat I felt weak and faint if I did manage to eat a few soda crackers it would be a few hours before the nausea abated enough that I could eat real food. This went on and on. All through January and then into February. People wondered if I was pregnant. The test came back negative.

I was exhausted. I was scared and my parents were threatening to send me to the doctor or worse the emergency room. I didn't want to go because I'd had a mysterious flu like this a few years before and had gone to the doctor. He had scratched his head, run some expensive tests and given me anti-nausea pills to help me get back to work. He'd had no clue and I couldn't see what good it would do to consult another doctor except to spend lots of money. I was sure it would pass.

The solution came like many do, not with a blinding epiphany but with slow detective work. Many seemingly unrelated facts formed a pattern that up till now I had been unable to see.

I have known since I was ten or so that when I ate Crisco, canola oil, and vegetable oil I would have cramps, gas and diarrhea. I have no idea how my mom figured this out but she did. I thought that I was very good about avoiding those oils. I used only butter and olive oil when cooking at home and avoided anything that listed canola oil, or vegetable oil as an ingredient.

I believe my first hint was when I got horrible gas after eating a bagel a few months before this illness started. My mom and I thought it was a terrible thing that something like a bagel that generally dose not have any oil in it would set off my 'allergy'. I didn't think too much of it. Then in the middle of February my mom read the ingredient list on the box of Bagel Bites that I had bought to try and tempt my appetite. Canola oil. It was right there on the box. I hadn't checked. I stopped eating them. Soon after that I found the recipe I'd photo copied for the popovers my aunt had made for us all at Christmas. Shortening. When I showed my mom we decided that it was very possible that she had used Crisco, and then we wondered: could my 'allergy' of childhood have gotten a thousand times worse? Could it have mutated into causing vomiting without the diarrhea? And could I without realizing it be consuming the very things that were making it worse?

I started reading labels religiously. All the breads listed soybean oil, I wondered if I had a problem with soybean oil. After all it was a vegetable oil. I stopped eating store bought bread and started eating only bread I made at home. I read the label on the soda crackers: soybean oil, had I been unintentionally making my nausea worse by eating the very thing that caused it in the first place? After three weeks of avoiding all processed foods. (tortillas had shorting. Crackers soybean oil, bread canola oil) I started feeling better. Not just better, amazingly better.

I didn't need a nap in the afternoon. I didn't feel exhausted from waking up in the morning. It was as if I was a different person, a normal person. A person who can go for longer than two hours without eating. Someone who can make it through a whole day and feel tired at the end and get up the next day and do it again without being sick as a dog. It was amazing. Then I made a mistake. I went out for breakfast. Within hours I felt tired, my guts began to cramp, the cold sweat broke out, and I wanted to sit down and cry. It was clear to me that I'd been doing something right. It took two days to start feeling better. My next accident I was not so lucky, it took me five days to recover.

I know that I haven’t been diagnosed. I've done some research and technically what I have is not an allergy. Allergies require the presence of a chemical IgE. The classic signs of the allergic response are hives, itchy skin and/or throat, swelling, wheezing, trouble breathing, and sometimes blocked airways. It's usually triggered within minutes of exposure. What I have seems more like what the medical world is calling a 'non-allergic food hypersensitivity'. There are many reasons why my body could be reacting the way it is. Unless a doctor runs tests I may never know weather my response is due to an inability to digest the oils or because I have a non-IgE immunoglobulan response. Frankly convincing the doctor that I have a problem with oils may be rather expensive and difficult because although many doctors are familiar with allergies now, not as many of them are familiar with non-allergic food hypersensitivity. After convincing them that I do actually have a problem many would probably be unwilling to diagnose it and would simply tell me what I already know: avoid eating the things that make me sick. Therefor I've made the decision to not seek medical assistance with this matter. Perhaps its self diagnosis but you know what? I'm okay with that. Its enough to be healthy.

The other things that I notice since I stopped eating the oils are: reduced muscle aches, my joints used to hurt all the time, this may be related to the fact that I can get more exercise and therefore can create more endorphins so I have a higher pain threshold but it could also just be that they don't hurt all the time. I have fewer yeast infections, and I seem to heal faster from scrapes and bruises, actually I bruise less in general, (I used to be black and blue all the time from barely brushing myself on chairs and furniture) also I'm not as anxious, and my mom says I'm much faster at grasping concepts. I have always had difficulty with learning French but I picked up a French language computer DVD and was doing great with it before I had to return it to the library. I feel more confident about a lot of things.

I've had three screw ups since I figured out that I have this food sensitivity, and each time was when I've eaten food prepared by someone else. Mostly because I have bad habits when I eat out. I'm embarrassed to cause trouble or ask about ingredients. But slowly I'm learning. I've managed to have go out for coffee and ice cream and not get sick. Hopefully I'll eventually be able to go out for dinner. I have great motivation because I like being healthy, but I also like being about to go out and have dinner like other people do.

I'm writing this in the hopes that someone else may read it and feel better about not being alone with their food sensitivity. Or that they might recognize some of the symptoms and be motivated to check and see if this is their problem. Its not really on the general doctors radar at this time. Sure they check for the big ones: dairy, glutain, and corn, but there are others that I was surprised by: fructose sensitivity, and salicylate sensitivity (salicylate occurs naturally in many fruits, vegetables, spices, nuts, teas, wine, aspirin and coffees.)

But there are many that they don't check for and the symptoms are often vague and brushed off as malingering, laziness, or hormones (fatigue, migraines, muscle aches, acne, eczema, mood changes, rashes, constipation.) Complicating matters the symptoms which vary depending on the amount and duration of exposure can appear anywhere up to 48 hours after exposure. It can take several weeks for the body to start healing after long term exposure. So sometimes there won't be an immediate difference when the food is not longer in your diet. But its not impossible to figure it out, just difficult. They say that all the worth while things in life are.

X men First Class

2011-06-04T21:35:00.000-07:00

I was exited about seeing this movie because of A: who was in it and B: the Characters that the story is about. It did not dissapoint on either level. The story was not deep, but I was not expecting depth so I was not disappointed. James MaCavoy did rather well as Professor X and Michael Fassbender was good although at times I felt he made his character slightly whiny and he had trouble picking an accent and sticking with it. He vacillated between British American and Irish. Still he was rather charismatic and it was very interesting watching his relationships with Mystic and Xavier.

The Garden

2011-05-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

I only have pictures like this of July and August in previous years. You can see them in this old post. But the the garden will be much lusher then so I don't think its really comparable. That big brown spot in the middle of the garden has lots of carrot and lettuces seedlings that don't really show up.

What To Do With Ground Lamb

2011-05-23T15:46:00.000-07:00

A while back I had some ground lamb that needed to be eaten. I had never eaten meatballs before. Something about the whole ground meat thing really put me off, but I've been really making an effort to broaden my horizons and so surfed around online and using several recipes invented my own meatball recipe. Little did I realize when I attempted this that my mom doesn't like meatballs. She was a trouper and after trying them pronounced them good. A few weeks latter requested I make them again. I guess I didn't do too badly. :)

Angel Hair with Lamb Meatballs

1/4 cup bread crumbs

1/2 cup milk

olive oil

garlic chopped

Two cans of tomato paste

one 16 oz can of chopped tomatoes

1/2 cup red wine

salt pepper

Italian seasoning

basil

parsley

cinnamon

oregano

one pound of ground lamb

Parmesan

one large egg

mozzarella cheese

angel hair pasta

In a medium bowl mix bread crumbs with milk with fork.

In a large frying pan heat some olive oil over med heat. Add the garlic cook until golden add the tomatoes and season with spices. Let simmer over low heat. Add half cup of red wine. The longer you simmer the sauce for the better it will taste.

In your bowl with milk and bread crumbs add a dash of salt, pepper and some Italian herb, beat egg and then mix in the lamb. It will take awhile to mix it thoroughly.

Sprinkle some more breadcrumbs on a plate.

The mixture will be squishy. Place about 2 tablespoons of this mixture in your hands and make a soft ball. Roll the ball in the breadcrumbs. Flatten slightly. Set aside on a clean plate. Repeat with the rest of the meat mixture. It should make about 16 meatballs.

In another frying pan heat some more olive oil. Fry the meat balls two minutes on each side. They don't have to be done just brown. Place fried meatballs in sauce. Cook for 25 minutes.

Serve over angel hair pasta. Sprinkle generously with Parmesan and mozzarella cheese.

Mustard & Dill Salmon

2011-05-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

This is what I had for dinner last night. I found the recipe printed in my my recipe folder and thought I'd re-try it. So yummy! I toned down the dill which I think was a good idea. Ive never been a huge mustard fan and I was afraid that a whole teaspoon of mustard was pushing it but, it tastes just marvelous.

Mustard & Dill Salmon

Salmon fillet

Tablespoon butter

1/2 cup wine

Chicken or beef broth

1 teaspoon mustard

1/4 teaspoon dill

Rice flour (optional)

Salt and pepper

In a heavy bottomed pan place butter, wine, and enough chicken broth to fill the bottom of the pan to half an inch deep. Over med low heat, cook until the liquid is hot and bubbling and the butter is completely melted. Then place the salmon fillet in the broth skin side up and simmer covered at low med heat for five minutes. Then flip over, sprinkle with salt and pepper, and simmer five to 8 min longer until done. (still covered) Remove salmon from the pan turn up the heat a bit and add the dill and mustard plus a bit of salt stir and simmer down to a sauce like consistency. If you like a thicker sauce add a teaspoon of rice flour to thicken. Serve over the salmon.

Unscented

2011-04-16T23:50:00.000-07:00

I've used detergent on my clothes my whole life, one summer I went to New York City for three weeks and took hand washing soap. It made everything stiff and uncomfortable and if my mom hadn't warned me that it would happen, I would have been very unhappy. It didn't mean that soap was bad and detergent was good as one might assume. Detergent is chemically different than soap it cleans differently and so when you clean cloths with one switching to the other makes them weird for a bit.

So I knew when I switched from shampoo (detergent) to soap my hair might be odd for a bit. And the first couple of times I washed my hair it looked like straw and felt like it too. But after the first two washings my hair was not just back to itself, it was better. It took longer to get dirty between washings it felt softer and it didn't smell like perfume.

That was the reason I switched really. Perfume. Almost all of the modern scents have chemicals or plastic in them. It turns out I'm really allergic. Inhaling them makes me sick. I am not allergic to essential oils and the difference between commercial detergent based shampoo and homemade soap is that with the homemade stuff they can not put in scent and they often don't. Even with the unscented commercial products they often have the chemicals that bother me. My dad brought some 'pure and natural' Dial soap over when he stayed with us and every time I went into the bathroom I would get a headache.

I was hoping the switch would help my allergy’s. And it did. Unfortunately I've noticed once I remove an allergen from my sphere if I run into it again my body has a much stronger reaction to it than before. So for instance if I happen to spend any time with people who use the things I'm allergic to I spend the next three to six days feeling ill.

Another side effect of getting away from scented shampoo is my sense of smell is improved. This can be cool. Like I love being able to tell when bread is done and weather its going to rain. But socially its rather difficult. I feel like a were wolf. I can smell people long after they have passed. When I'm with people I know what they had for dinner last night, if they didn't wipe well, and what kind of soap they used in the shower. Its easier to be around people who don't use products, who don't eat strong foods in large quantity’s, and who shower regularly. I never realized how difficult socializing could be when you have a strong sense of smell. After all I've spent most of my adult life being all plugged up.

All in all I think the transition is a good one. I won't be switching back that's for sure.

Glasses!

2011-04-15T22:37:00.000-07:00

Paul

2011-04-12T13:26:00.000-07:00

I went to see this movie with some vague notion that it was a cartoon with Jhonny Depp as a foul mouthed little alien. First of all Jhonny Depp is not in it, and it is not a cartoon. The only thing I got right is the foul mouthed little alien. It was actually about two British nerds making a tour around American UFO hot spots in a Winnebago. Its the guy from Shawn of the Dead and someone else I vaguely recognized.

Supper fun all told. Pokes lots of fun at Americans, nerds, and religion, but not I felt in a way that was offensive. Highly recommended.

Spring!

2011-04-11T20:45:00.001-07:00

Our garden is doing things, despite the fact that it has been mostly rainy and miserable outside. I took pictures on one of the three nice days we have had.

This is our delphinium. I think it has more shoots than last year. You can see the lone tulip in the background. And one of our new dollar store foot stones. We got them so we would have places to put our feet that wouldn't be muddy.
This is our columbine. I thought when it barely poked up last fall that it would die during the winter but apparently it was just getting itself established. Its not huge but I'm hoping we might see blooms.

Rhubarb. Its as big now as it was at the end of fall last year.
Thease are our crocus amongst the tiny rubies. Aren't they spectacular? I'm so happy spring is finally here.

Letters to Juliet

2011-03-23T21:35:00.000-07:00

I liked the movie. I was expecting your regular shlocky romance but this had a little something to it. The thing I liked most was that the story was just as concerned about the 50 year old romance as the as the young lover romance. It left me with the feeling that love isn't only for the young and beautiful. You can find it at any age and it will be just as great. So often the older characters in romance movies, while just as well drawn as the younger ones or even more interesting, serve no purpose except to help young people get married.

In real life people have lots of relationships and they are all meaningful. This movie portrayed some other relationships that can happen: the friendship between the young girl and Juliet's secretaries, the relationship between the older lady and the young girl, and the relationship between the young man and his grandmother. All were rich with texture and love.

There were no bad guys. The young heroin's fiance is a passionate man who loves her but loves food perhaps a little bit more. He would be better suited to someone who was just as interested in great food. But there is nothing bad about him.

The Young girl is self contained and well mannered. Despite the hero's cranky verbal snobbery she acquits herself rather well. She never lets him push her around and although she dose insult him it is exactly what is needed to point out his own juvenile behavior. I liked her.

The hero is British and at first very unmannerly but he softens over time and you can completely understand why both his grandmother and the young heroin love him. There's a wonderful scene where his grandmother makes him apologize and he truly means it despite its forced nature.

The grandmother is played by a beautiful older woman who didn't try to look younger than she was. She had grace and you could see why the Italian men were falling all over themselves for her.

It was a very well done movie. Luscious scenery and filming, good acting, well crafted plot, lovely romance, all in all an evening happily spent.

I Can See!!

2011-03-21T13:51:00.001-07:00

I got contacts today and walking out of the doctors office today was the most amazing experience I've had in forever. I could pick out details from things that I had just seen as blobs. Everyday objects looked sharp and beautiful even in the rain. I can't believe how much I've been missing. Also I think that the blurriness was depressing my spirits. Just the knowledge that my blurry vision is due to my eyes and not exhaustion has made such a difference to me. I feel so light and happy.

Why dose my homeostasis have to be sick?

2011-02-23T15:48:00.000-08:00

It seems unfair to me that I mostly spend my time being ill. Not really ill. Not the kind of ill that you can point at and say yeah I'm sick see? I have blue knees.

No. I'm just under par. My head hurts. My stomach is queasy. My muscles are kind of achy. I want to curl up in bed and not really move. But I've done that and it doesn't really help. This illness comes and gos but, it seems like there's generally something that is wrong. If I'm happy I can usually just ignore it and pay attention to something else. Which is nice. But when I'm down its very hard to ignore the headache, the queasiness, and the general feeling of wrongness that pervades my body. Its at times like these I wonder, am I making myself sick? Or is it the illness that makes me feel down?

Chicken or egg?

Speaking of Cake

2011-02-18T20:39:00.000-08:00

I actually didn't know weather to laugh or be horrified by this blog post.

The God of Cake

Chocolate Cake

2011-02-15T14:33:00.001-08:00

Chocolate cake can make your life better. No I'm not kidding. It really can. I went from having the week from hell to feeling pretty damn good about things and Chocolate Cake was smack dab in the middle of the transformation. Of course this is no ordinary cake. Some chocolate cake is deceptive. It lures you with its wonderful smell and luscious chocolaty look only to find its dry and dull and not very chocolaty at all. This cake is not like that. Its moist and wonderful and tastes like heaven. I have made it on numerous occasions and it is amazingly easy and good. Every time.

I include the recipe so that others can experience the miracle too. :)

Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake

3 eggs

1/ 1/3 cup sugar

1 tsp vanilla

1 ¼ tsp baking soda

¼ tsp baking powder

2/3 cup unsweetened cocoa

1-cup mayonnaise

2 cups flour

1 1/3 cup water

Grease and flour 2, 8 inch round pans or one 13x9 inch glass pan. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Blend the three eggs thoroughly in a large bowl with a beater on low speed. Add sugar and beat thoroughly, add vanilla, baking soda and baking powder. Again beat thoroughly. Add cocoa, beat, add mayonnaise, beat, add one-cup flour, beat and scrape sides of bowl, add one-cup water, beat, add second cup flour, beat and scrape sides of bowl, and 1/3 cup water, beat. Pour into prepared pans and bake in preheated oven for 30 to 35 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.

Cool completely and frost with Cream cheese frosting.

Cream Cheese Frosting

1 8oz package cream cheese

1 Tablespoon milk

1-teaspoon vanilla

4 ½ to 5-½ cups confectioners' sugar

Cream the cream cheese; I microwave it for a few seconds to get it soft. Beat in milk. Continue to beat adding one cup of sugar at a time till you feel its sweet enough.

Enough for 2, 9 inch rounds

Boyfriend Gone

2011-02-12T12:54:00.001-08:00

It probably will surprise no one that the boyfriend is now gone. It surprised me, I'll tell you now. It is amazing how in three months you can go from loving someone so much you want to marry them and have their baby's to hating them and wishing they would pratfall into a vat of lime jell-o so you could at least laugh at the situation instead of crying and hating them so much.

I should be used to it its happened so many times I can't count them anymore. I get very intense about people. I really invest and then... poof they are gone. Actually this was a month of drawn out agony, all because I couldn't see what was in front my eyes: he was doing everything he could to encourage me to break up with him instead of him having to do it. Wimpy bastard.

Evey single person I've talked to has had at least one experience with a guy who dose this. Its awful. Whats wrong with people? Do they have no honer? No self respect? I brake up with people. I hate it but I do it. I get off may ass and do it, IN PERSON. I mean I have broken up with people's answering machines when given no other option but I DO IT. I do it because it has to be done. It makes it so life can go on. Otherwise limbo happens and people are unhappy.

Wimping out in certain situations will just make other people feel miserable and trapped. I hate causing people pain but I would hate to be a wimp more. I hate wimps. At least I'm not dating one anymore.

I Really Should Write Somthing

2011-01-25T22:15:00.000-08:00

I really should get back to writing on here. But you know I think I've lost the bug. Everything I think to say I think about someone actually reading and it puts me off or the next day I think about it and I'm like 'nah that's lame'.

Friday Night

2010-12-03T17:53:00.000-08:00

I have a boyfriend. It was sudden and awesome and I feel like bursting with happy joy.

Oh there he is now! :)

Turkey

2010-11-30T19:34:00.000-08:00

I never realized how much meat there was on a turkey. We are going to be eating it for ever. I had to freeze part of it. To spice things up I made Russian Chicken Cutlets (with Turkey). I will share the recipe.

Russian Chicken Cutlets

Found this recipe in Quick From Scratch Chicken and Other Birds. You can use ground chicken and avoid the blender.

½ cup bread crumbs plus more for breading

¼ cup half and half

1 pound Shredded chicken

1 egg

½ teaspoon salt

¼ pepper

3 tablespoons butter room temperature

Blend chicken in blender. Add half and half and ½ cup bread crumbs blend again. In a medium sized bowl beat egg, pepper, and salt. Pour chicken out of blender into bowl place warm butter on top, fold the mixture till thoroughly combined. Place in freezer 10 minutes, pour more bread crumbs out onto a plate. Shape into patties and roll in bread crumbs. You can at this point put the formed patties into the refrigerator until you wish to cook them. Fry in butter on medium low heat for 3-5 min on each side.

Shiny!

2010-11-19T19:15:00.001-08:00

I have a pretty new Kindal now. I've had it for a week and I absolutely love it. So easy so entertaining. :)

And I Got Over It

2010-11-04T22:02:00.000-07:00

Yup. Funny thing about life, one day you want to crawl under a rock and the next day you don't. :)

But When I Look At It From Your Perspective I Look Like a Moron

2010-11-02T16:12:00.000-07:00

I've always been a fan of looking at things from all angles. And yesterday one of those stupid social mis-communications happened which of course I feel awful about. And part of why is they said they thought I was being silly. Now silly doesn't sound that bad but frivolous and time wasting which is I think what she also might have been meaning are not good. So yeah... Looking at it from her perspective I kind of want to crawl in a hole and never talk to her again. I need to look at it from a different perspective I think. But which one? Its very difficult to think rationally about situations when your brain is unhappy.

I Really am Bisexual

2010-11-01T18:52:00.000-07:00

Its funny today a lesbian freind of mine was talking about figuring out how she realized that she was a lesbian not a bisexual, and it made me realize that I really am attarcted to both men and women equally. Sure I usually go out with mostly guys and very rarely look at a woman and drool, but that's because I don't usually look at someone as a sexual being until I notice them looking at me that way. I'm attracted to people who find me attractive. There are a few exceptions to this. Actors, and really super attractive people, who I glance at surreptitiously and then tell myself to get real because I'm not in their league at all.

But who a person is attracted to has nothing at all to do with who they date. I am a great example of this. I was told again today I should think about dating women. I think she might be right. A lot of my dating issues are because with men, and maleness. But I find that the idea of dating women scares the crap out of me. Which is not a fun thing.

Comments

2010-10-26T11:06:00.000-07:00

I've enabled comments again. Not that there is a whole lot to comment on lately. :)

I'm Bi, but...

2010-10-04T20:01:00.000-07:00

I just read this http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/07/is-google-making-us-stupid/6868 a blog about why we explain away or justify bisexuality. (update: The link is wrong and I cant find the one that I meant to put up here. But the article about google making us stupid is very interesting too.)(Update: I found it! http://bisocialnetwork.com/yes-im-bi-but/ gosh linking can be hard)

This is a funny phenomenon that I too have noticed about myself. I always feel the need to add a qualifier. Mostly because people make weird assumptions. People meet me and assume I'm religious, or innocent which when they find out I'm bisexual sends them the complete opposite direction. I don't get that. Just cause I find women as well as men attractive and interesting doesn't mean that I will sleep with multiple people nor does it mean that I cheat or that I can't possibly be in a manogomus relationship. Its silly that people make such assumptions and it is those assumptions that made it so hard for me to identify as a bisexual. I didn't want to stand out. I'm uncomfortable being a spectacle or having to explain myself to others. I find as I get older I mind less but I still find it annoying that my sexual orientation and lack of religion are such huge topics of conversations with new people.

Litrature and Socity

2010-08-06T11:57:00.000-07:00

For back story go to:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/04/opinion/04dowd.html?partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

http://select.nytimes.com/2007/02/10/opinion/10dowd.html

http://www.arghink.com/2010/08/04/how-to-critique-romantic-comedy/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+ArghInk+%28Argh+Ink%29

The first two are links to a horrible woman's op ed pieces about romantic fiction and romatic comedy movies.

The third is a response by one of my favorite authors on her blog. Jennifer Crusie has many wonderful points. Even though she is angry and pissed off and ranting. I just loved how because she was rational, a lot of her commenter's went out of their way to be rational too. And in one of her responses to a comment she explains Love Actually, winning my heart even further. (I love that movie)

In the world of Microbes there are 10% benifital and 10% degenerative. The benifial microbes cause things like pickling and cheese. They form complex systems underground that feed plants and store nutrients. They do lots of other wonderful things too. The degenerative microbes do things like cause rot, mildew, spread disease, and degenerate soil. Then there's the 80% left over. They fallow whatever microbes are in the lead.

Now you wonder what do microbes have to do with romantic fiction and editorial op ed pieces? Humans are much like microbes. 10% of us are like Jennifer Crusie willing to do the work and create ideas, thoughts, and rationally explore debate.

The other 10% of us are like Rush Limbo(not his real name I can't think of it off the top of my head) and that horrible op-ed lady, they spew forth drivel, misinformation, and insults, with force and energy. They do it in such a way that they create followings in the 80% of humanity that is willing to be led rather than have original thoughts of their own.

The difference between humans and microbes is that we have brains and choose who to fallow. We have free choice and are responsible for our actions here on earth. The question is do we want to fallow the path of purification or of regeneration?

Pictures

2010-08-05T10:59:00.001-07:00

I didn't think the whole garden picture really did our garden justice on the color front so I took a whole bunch of flower pictures today. Some of these are from our porch but still they make me happy. Begonia.

Moss rose.
Love in the Mist
Flax.
Up close impatient.
The odd spiky flower we bought this year. Very pretty.
Max escaped again and had to sniff the flowers.
Impatience.
Different impatient.
This is a geranium. I tried to take pictures of the potato blossoms but the camera would only make white blurry blobs of them.

The Effects of Sexulization

2010-08-03T14:23:00.001-07:00

I found some interesting stuff online today.

This link is about how the media impacts girls sexuality. I didn't make it through the whole thing its forty-five pages long not including all of the 30 pages of References. But what I got out of it was: basically media influences peoples treatment of each other, a lot. We are what we watch. It really makes a strong case for banning porn and music videos and other media (commercials) that sexualize children and women in general. Especially ones that exploit women and glamorize violence and normalize harassment.

http://www.apa.org/pi/women/programs/girls/report.aspx

This paragraph struck me.

"Particularly strong evidence of the media’s role in shaping
girls’ body image can be seen in before and after analysis
of cultures that are new to Western media. For example,
in a study on adolescent ethnic Fijian girls in Western Fiji,
Becker (2004) found that the beginnings of weight and
body shape preoccupation, purging behavior to control
weight, and body disparagement were linked to the introduction
of television. Before television, traditional Fijian
culture emphasized a robust body shape and based notions
of identity not on the body but on family, community, and
relationships.Three years after television was introduced,
girls’ eating behaviors and attitudes about their bodies had
shifted, and rates of disordered eating had increased."

And this one:

"Although a meta-analysis of experimental studies
suggests that the employment-related benefits of physical
attractiveness are as strong for women as they are for men
(Hosoda, Stone-Romero, & Coats 2003), these studies have
focused on attractiveness rather than on sexiness per se. In
contrast, Glick, Larsen, Johnson, and Branstiter (2005)manipulated
the sexiness of a female job applicant and held physical
attractiveness constant. They found that when the
sexy job applicant was applying for a managerial job, she
was rated as less competent and less intelligent than the
conservatively dressed job applicant; participants also indicated
that they would experience fewer positive emotions
and more negative emotions toward the sexy applicant
(compared with the conservatively dressed applicant) if
she were hired. None of these differences was found when
the applicants were described as applying for a job as a
receptionist. This data implys that self-sexualization or
sexualization by others is likely to have a negative impact
on women seeking professional careers."

The effects are not limited to women

"The sexualization of girls can have a negative impact on
boys and men. Exposure to narrow ideals of female sexual
attractiveness may make it difficult for some men to find
an “acceptable” partner or to fully enjoy intimacy with
a female partner (Schooler & Ward, 2006). Several experimental
studies have shown that exposure to pornography
(which often sexually objectifies women; Jensen & Dines,
2004) leads men to rate their female partners as less attractive
(Weaver, Masland, & Zillmann, 1984), to indicate less
satisfaction with their intimate partners’ attractiveness, sexual
performance, and level of affection (Zillmann & Bryant,
1988), and to express greater desire for sex without emotional
involvement (Zillmann & Bryant, 1988)."

"Even viewing a single episode of an objectifying
television program such as Charlie’s Angels may lead men to
rate real women as less physically attractive (Kenrick &
Guttieres, 1980). Frable, Johnson, and Kellman (1997)
found that undergraduate men who regularly viewed
pornography spontaneously generated more sexual terms
to describe the construct “women” than did those who
viewed pornography less regularly.The two groups did not
differ in their descriptions of the construct “men,” suggesting
that viewing pornography is associated specifically with
sexualizing women and may not have a more generalized
and gender-neutral effect."

This article is also interesting: Its about how almost all people who have been caught distributing child pornography have also abused children. On average 13.5 children. They don't show a direct causal link between porn and abuse but its close.

http://www.apa.org/monitor/2009/12/child-abuse.aspx

I never used to believe that porn could hurt people. But I've seen the effects first hand. I really believe that we as a society really need to get rid of porn. I'm not so against written erotica but sexulized images really seem to effect people by bypassing the cognizant part of the brain and going strait to the amigdila (the mammalian portion of the brain) making changes without the person even being aware of it. Is freedom of speach really worth inducing violence, dissociation, sexual dissatisfaction/dysfunction, loneliness, and isolation on our nation?

EM 1

2010-08-02T20:59:00.000-07:00

Today we got a package in the mail. It had our gallon of EM-1 (Effective Microorganisms). I was so excited I immediately did some laundry with it. Actually I spent an hour online trying to find out how to use it on my laundry before eventually getting fed up and guessing. I think I did it right because our washer and my clothes smell way better!

I used a two tablespoon measure and filled it halfway with laundry detergent (we use Biokleen) and then filled it the rest of the way with EM-1. I didn't activate it first. I'm probably going to get some squirt bottles and spray bottles and make up a batch for using round the house. (It makes it last a lot longer.)

July Garden, August Garden

2010-08-01T15:38:00.000-07:00

So this picture is from last year. (click to enlarge) I took it to showing how lush and green things were in July. They may have gotten greener by August but I don't have any pictures. (I know its not the greatest picture but its what I could do to show the whole garden in one shot.) You can if you squint see the potato plant at the back of the garden to the right of the gas meter.

This is the picture I took today. (click on to enlarge) It so heartening. After one year of ameliorating our soil using Bokashi and coffee grounds its way greener, and everything is way bigger. I know that the soil still needs a lot of work but it shows that all the work we have done is paying back big time. That big huge monster plant in the middle? That's actually three potato plants that are trying to fall over. There's nothing for scale but they come up to my thighs. Last year they barely made it to my knees.

Transgender Transgenderd

2010-07-27T16:37:00.001-07:00

I learned today that it is wrong to call someone who is transitioning or transitioned from one gender to the other, transgenderd. Reason being its not a verb, you wouldn't say 'femaled' you say female. Same deal.

I learned it because of an advice column by Randy Cohen in the New York Times, entitled "When to Out a Trans-gender Dater".

The gist of his response to a letter from a woman upset at finding out that the man she was dating had once been a woman was, that the transgender person had deceived her,

"Even before a first kiss, this person should have told you those things that you would regard as germane to this phase of your evolving relationship, including his being transgender. Clearly he thought you’d find it pertinent; that’s why he discreditably withheld it, lest you reject him."

Randy went on to say that even so this woman shouldn't out the trandgender person to her orthodox Jewish community.

Even as applaud Randy for realizing that outing a transgender person is not an ethical thing to do I am horrifiyed that he would expect a person who could possibly face violence and murder from otherwise 'nice' people, to out themselves to people they don't know, and that he didn't chastise this woman for prying into the life of someone who obviously didn't trust her with personal information: rightly it turned out.

I wrote a letter to the editor of the New York Times. A first for me. It said:

Dear Editor,

I just read Randy Cohens' column "When to Out a Transgender Dater?" I understand that he may have felt that he understood the situation enough to comment on it, but he really should have known better.

Trans gender people face a lot of danger in our society. Just like women. Its more than irresponsible to expect someone who faces the threat of violence and murder to expose themselves to complete strangers because that stranger might feel uncomfortable about dating them. I think physical the threat of physical violence trumps emotional discomfort.

I would hope in the future that Randy Cohen would be more careful before making such a bold statements. After all his title is 'The Ethicist', and stating things without making sure of the facts first is not very ethical.

Thank you for your time.

Now that I think about it I should have added in my letter the part about her prying into the life of a person that you are dating, and how he was pretty judgmental and didn't spend enough time on the topic to really cover all the points. I also probably should have admitted that he had a point about how its important in a relationship to have honesty before becoming intimate but I sent it too soon. (shakes head) I guess I learned a lesson yes?

Inception

2010-07-24T11:34:00.000-07:00

I can't really say too much about the movie without giving a lot away to people who haven't seen it and I really wouldn't like to ruin it for anyone. It was good enough that I would feel bad. I won't reveal anything critical.

The plot is simple. People have figured out ways of stealing information from peoples brains through shared dreaming. Leonardo DiCaprio plays a man who is the best at this sort of corporate espionage. So good that he has a way of doing what no one else can: insert an idea into other peoples brains so that there mind will think it thought of it itself. He doesn't want to do it but for personal reasons he is convinced to, and then things get interesting.

It sounds simple but the execution of this plot is tight. Even now my brain is picking at it it trying to pry apart the storyline and find the flaws and I haven't yet.

I've heard some people complain about the end and I can see why, but if you think about all the other endings that could been have chosen this one is really the most satisfying.

I've stopped expecting to come out of a movie happy or exhilarated. So I was doubly impressed. My dad even said 'it was good' which coming from him is high praise. Most movies he says 'eh it was shlock' Although sometimes it will get 'It was fun shlock'. I think I will leave it at that, after all too much praise could spoil it too.

The Acquisitive Society

2010-07-22T11:04:00.000-07:00

"For a purpose, is, in the first place a principal of limitation. It determines the end for which, and therefore the limits within which, an activity is to be carried on. It divides what is worth doing from what is not, and settles the scale upon which what is worth doing ought to be done."
-RH Tawney

I Write Like

2010-07-13T12:04:00.000-07:00

A friend on face book pointed out this nifty little gizzmo online. http://iwl.me/ It analyzes a sample of your writing style and tells you who you write like. Hear it goes....

After three different trys I got: Stephen King, Dan Brown and Margret Atwood. Dan Brown?!! Margret Atwood? To tell you the truth I'm not so fond of Steven King either but there is at least one book of his I enjoyed. On the bright side if I had to make a guess I think its saying I write in short easy to comprehend sentences. Sigh... but its obviously not great prose.

Angry

2010-07-08T14:35:00.000-07:00

My family is acting badly again. I wouldn't mind if they didn't insist on dragging me along for the ride.

Grandma keeps asking me to do things with things shes already asked me to do other things with. Its frustrating because she asks other people to do things with the things too and then she changes her mind and gets so mad about it when we all don't know what it is that she wants. Mostly I'm just confused and frustrated because these little jaunts make it hard for me to do anything else. Every time she asks for a 'favor' it takes up a whole day, not just the hours of work that she asks of me but the anger grief and other emotions that I also have to deal with afterwords.

Then she gives me this general 'thank you for all that you've done' comment. I read somewhere that if you thank people generally they don't feel thanked, and your better off not thanking them at all. Its true for me apparently. I tell myself that she probably does mean it but I just feel grumpy that she won't say what it is that she appreciates me doing, which sort of makes me feel like she doesn't even know what I've done and I feel unacknowledged.

I have trouble being angry. It makes me sick. Sometimes for hours afterwords. Often I cry instead of rage and it's mostly because I find the rage so damned uncomfortable.

I am angry right now and I have no idea of what to do with it. I have to tell myself its a viable emotion but it seems like instead of being useful it just gets in my way, clouds my judgment and encourages me to act stupid. I love my grandma. I don't want to be angry with her, her health is very frail and shes been very sick. She might not live another year and I would like her to end her life on a good note.

Its increasingly difficult to deal with the rest of my family (my aunts) but I really need to get along with them because if there were to be bad feeling between me and them it would upset grandma, which I'd really like to avoid. But they seem determined to do things that are very inconsiderate and act very high handed about what I should and should not do.

I feel so trapped.

Bokashi!

2010-07-01T11:10:00.000-07:00

I never really mentioned my Bokashi project on here. I did mention Bokashi in passing. (Read about here) But I never talked about what my mom and I ended up doing. We have had some fits and starts but I think its working nicely now. It works better when its warm which none of the websites really mentioned. They also didn't mention some other things but I'm going to if I ever write a post about how we did it. Today I just wish to brag and show you pictures. :)

This little potato was planted in the truly terrible soil of our garden...

This potato (which you can see is three or four times as large) was planted in a spot that we bokashied. They were planted the exact same day and have received the same amount of water. The difference is so gratifying, it makes it so I don't mind how much work I have to put into it. (And it is a bit of work unfortunately)

Novel

2010-06-21T11:21:00.000-07:00

I finished it! Ha ha ha! Here is a picture of all 199 pages, printed out. I'm so happy I hardly care that I'm in for another hard round of editing.

Hes a Stud Shes A Slut

2010-06-19T16:53:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I've really mentioned this, but I'm a feminist. I was kind of scared away from being one when I was younger by the femi-Nazi's. But what I didn't know was I was still a feminist because I really care about the issues of woman's rights and equality. Today I just read "Hes a Stud and Shes a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know" by Jessica Valenti. Funnily enough I did know them. I've lived many of them, and if I haven't had to deal with them other women that I know have or I've read about them. It wasn't a great book, but I enjoyed it. Many of them are about sex. I think that's one of those things that makes it so hard to talk about feminist stuff in mixed company. After all talking about sex with people can make them think you want to have sex with them. And its not polite to make other people uncomfortable.

I guess the big thing I got from reading this is that really the way to defeat sexism is by being nice to people and trusting that other people are capable of being adult. If everyone did that we'd be fine. Its funny to think we could change the world through trust right?

Sanity Test

2010-06-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

An important part of determining sanity is determining if a person is capable of distinguishing fact from fiction.

In our culture opinions are very important. Some people might even say they are more important that facts. We use them to figure out if other people are an 'us' or a 'them'. The problem with this is: opinions are not facts, and they can be flat out lies. "Al Gore caused it to snow in July" may seem like a fact because it is couched that way but it isn't, therefor it is opinion. 'All liberals are nutters' Perhaps easier to spot as an opinion but still many people would say 'amen' and think if they agree its a fact.

This is very dangerous for people who have to make huge decisions for large groups of people. People such as public figures. I've noticed more and more of them are unable to tell the difference between fact and opinion and therefor are very silly about the decisions that they make.

I've thought of a bold plan to confront this problem. Anyone who holds a public office needs to take a sanity test. The test would have three appropriate responses to each statement "Fact", "Opinion" or "I don't know" As sometimes if we don't know a fact, we can't say weather it is true or false. The statements would be things such as:

"Bleeding-heart liberals should all be shot."
"If you've seen one tree you've seen them all"
"There was an oil spill in the gulf of Mexico in 2010"
"The sky is blue."
"Green is pretty"

In order to continue in public office and public positions you would need to take the test to determine if you are capable of knowing fact from fiction. If you get too many "I don't knows" on "Opinions" or think too many "Opinions" are "facts" You would be determined unfit for duty. It seems a sensible precaution. After all I wouldn't want someone who belives that everything everyone else says is a fact to be in office would you?

Emotinal Land Minds

2010-06-15T16:07:00.000-07:00

We all do it. We leave them strewn around our living space. A coat, a chair, a vase. All pregnant with a history that when you remember it triggers an unwanted feeling. A feeling you wish you didn't have anymore.

I have been divesting myself of a few of them over the last month or two but it is tricky work. Sometimes an item is useful. Such as my tool box given to me by my ex when he left because he knew I didn't have one. I bought a new one and the other is still in the pile needing to go to the good will. I feel bad. It was given with love, I think. But all I feel is pain when I see it.

Sometimes they are subtly painful. You once loved them. Like the PJ bottoms that my best friend gave me years ago after she had ripped them. I repaired them and I wore happily for years and found that I love this kind of pants and acquired several other pairs for round the house. Only to have all that joy turn to ash when she suddenly and inexplicably divested herself of all of her formerly close friends. So instead of feeling happy when I wore them I left them stuffed in a drawer and pretended I didn't see them when I went in to look for things to wear.

Finally I threw them away because the repair I had made would make all thrift stores not want them. It went against every ecological save the planet instinct I had, but I did it because I couldn't open my dresser drawer without running into that low grade pain anymore.

I've never thought of myself as a materialist but I am. I love my stuff. Things make me happy and they make me sad. I remind myself of chores by placing objects in specific places and make myself feel better by cleaning off my kitchen counters and dinning room table. Making my bed has a wonderful spiritual significance that I employ when I need to feel in charge of my life. Materialism is not all bad. But it is important to have charge of your stuff rather than the other way round. I'm coming to realize that as I go through the detritus of my everyday life. Its just like everything else, moderation moderation moderation.

When You Have Nothing Nice to Say

2010-06-01T10:16:00.001-07:00

See that title? Yeah that's why I haven't been posting. I have a bad attitude right now. But I have found a way around that. I am going to talk about ...other peoples happy stuff. Like today's post by Crazy Aunt Purl. (read here) Shes so happy about it being a new month and how she can vow to do better on her life goals. Its inspiring. Shes doing this thing where she has these two goals: taking better care of her health and being more positive about stuff. And then each month she talks about how well she is doing. Not so great sometimes. But she mentions all the good things she did for herself. Like roasting vegetables and going for two walks this month.

Perhaps if I started a monthly check system I'd get going on some of the things that I would like to get done. The thing is its best if I work on stuff every day. Ive been doing semi okay on my eating better and walking every day, mostly because my dad has been very good about his new diabetic diet/exercising program and so I tend to eat what hes eating. Hes lost nine pounds in a month and his blood pressure is down farther than its been his whole life. He also has the sugar levels at pre diabetic levels. So that's really good. I've lost weight too. I'm not sure if its a good thing. I look good. I'm not scary thin or anything but the First weight loss was after my grandpa died. The second was after Grandma falling and me getting sick and this last one, again I think it might be stress related. And well ... that's not a really good reason to be loosing two inches. None of my pants fit and I'm debating hard about weather to buy new ones because what if my life stops being so stressful. (ha ha ha! No seriously) what if my life stops being so stressful and I put the weight back on? I suppose I could just keep the big pants and have some little ones for crazy random weight loss times.

Then again it could be because I started walking more (sometimes) and have been trying to eat better, trying being the operative word. I don't think that I've really succeeded at being better at what I put in my mouth. I don't really think that my half assed attempts at health would pay off in the huge dividends of loosing two inches off my waist. Everyone I know is working very hard to loose weight with some success after lots of effort. Am I being paranoid in thinking my own loss is odd?

Grasshoppers of Doom

2010-05-25T13:29:00.000-07:00

According to this we are in for a year of huge swarms of grasshoppers across the pacific northwest. Its due a combination of the mild winter and the large amounts of eggs that were laid last year. They will devastate crops and native grasslands as they go. I think its a sign that our farming is unsustainable, but of course some people will say its a plague and a sign of the end of days.

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

2010-05-17T22:16:00.000-07:00

I was reading this. Which is a post about how women tend to discount it when people give them complements. I've always wondered about that tendency. You say to a girl, "Wow you look really nice today" and shes like "No I don't, my hair is crap."

Why I don't get it is beacsue I've never felt that way, someone says 'hay you look great in that dress' and I'm like 'cool' I always pay attention to the source but I still think its nice. Because beauty is so subjective. I find most people beautiful in some way and this dose not make me overlook the fact that they have bits that don't look so good too. (or at least everyone who isn't Jhonny Depp has bad bits) But if you look at people they all have good bits and bad bits and when you like them you look at the good bits and when you don't like them you look at the bad ones. So when someone says to you "Hay you look stellar in that hat" They are also saying "Your good bits stand out too me." Its good and it says more about them than it dose about you.

Which is why I feel that its sort of mean when girls throw compliments back in peoples faces. Its really like throwing a vace of flowers at someone after they picked them and gave them to you. Sometimes that is appropriate (stalkers come to mind) but most of the time you are just alienating people with your damage.

Funny thinking about that makes it clear why guys don't understand that when I reject there complements that I am rejecting there offers of sex and why men are so confused when I just casually accept it when people say I'm attractive. (My reasoning is that I would have sex with me so I'm probably attractive.) Just one more proof that I am not normal.

Bat Country

2010-05-14T09:55:00.000-07:00

My mom and I are taking a little drive up to Colfax today to pick up some Ensure for my grandma, shes on the opposite of most diets. Shes trying to gain weight and the nutritionist thinks if she drinks two Ensures a day she might get her weight up. When she got out of the hospital she was 98 pounds. To put that in perspective shes supposed to weigh about 145 pounds for her height.

I guess theres a place up in Colfax that you can get these meal replacements from almost like a prescription, and your insurance will cover it. Its kind of a shame its up in that scary town. I don't like Colfax. It gives me the hebbee jebbees. But the drive should be nice.

Grandma is doing better, her weight is up to 106 pounds and she is back in independent living again. I hope she stays healthy.

I had the flu last week. I passed it right on to my mom and perhaps my dad. I'm generous that way. But I did not give it to my Grandma, I did not want to be responsible for that. One little flu could kill her.

I'm happy that the weather has turned nice. It means that when I have time I can work on the garden plot. Thank goodness for friends with strong backs because the plot would be in ruin without Zak. As it is its coming along. I have planted Flax, carrots, cabbage and tomatoes so far and weather permitting Saturday we should be able to put in some more stuff. It should be easier because he put in rows and took out all the major weeds. We just need to maintain now.

Hospitals

2010-04-25T23:21:00.000-07:00

I hate hospitals.

My grandma fell on Friday night and so I've been to and from the hospital all weekend. Its a very nice hospital, well appointed, large halls, pretty art, pleasant staff. But my grandma is staying in the same room my grandpa was in before he died and I've been walking the same halls drinking the same tea, and basically re living the horribleness that was the death of one grandparent but with the other one who according to the doctor is going to be fine and will be released into assisted living tomorrow. Thing is they said that last time too so I'm really struggling to remain positive and think that we won't receive that call tonight. You know the one that sends us directly to the hospital to hold her hand as she takes her last breath.

Its exhausting fighting your own feelings. I feel completely brain dead. Its all I can do to remember to eat breath and bathe. Hopefully once shes out of hospital this feeling of impending doom will pass and I can use the faculty's I know I have to start doing more than the bare minimum for existence. Until then I think sleep is on the menu.

Alone and Unobserved

2010-04-22T11:59:00.000-07:00

The other night I read this post by Sean on his blog Alone and Unobserved.

Sean talks about having a 'life purpose' and asks if its necessary. When I read the post to my mom she said “I try to avoid those thoughts when I'm depressed.” And I knew exactly what she meant. Sometimes in order to live life you just need to live it. You can't analyze it because questions like that paralyze you, ruining any chance you have at accomplishing anything. Sean used to be Mormon and so everything he writes about is seen through the lens of someone who had faith and doesn't any more. He writes “with my religion I lost my purpose in life, and, while I’ve tried, I don’t think I’ve completely replaced that.”

The thing is: I'm not sure that the lack that he is talking about has anything to do with religion. I've never had a religion I was raised agnostic, and I've always worried about my purpose and whether I need a purpose in order to live well. I've felt lonely and isolated from humanity much of the time although I love my parents and they love me and accept who I am completely, I have been rejected by enough of the world to not feel completely comfortable or safe with anyone else. I don't have extended family or a clan, and I've never been part of a community and I still ache for it. Even as I rationally look at religious community's and see how awful they can be and often are, some part of me longs for that security. I know that I want it even as I know that I will never give up my autonomy to have it.

I believe religion pretends that it has all the answers but really all they seem to have is a ready made community. They offer that as if it is a purpose in and of itself but they ask that a person give up free thought and any kind of ability to debate. Which dose not seem a fair trade. And is feeding a selfish need really a 'life purpose'? Humans need community, its ingrained in our basic hardware, without it we feel wrong, depressed, anxious and lonely. In fact that's why isolation and banishment are such effective punishments (in society's that provide community) Its basically like the need for food and water.

But too many people don't realize that just like any appetite it is not always best to feed it what it wants when it wants it. Just like junk food poisons the body, bad community poisons a persons capacity for love. A person becomes like those who they choose to love and spend time with.

Socrates once said something about how living an unconsidered life is the worst thing a person can do.Perhaps there is no answer to the feelings that Sean describes. That religion is really an opiate of the masses and we as people are not meant to be completely happy. Perhaps the quest for community and a 'life purpose' is the point in and of itself.

Are Plastics Really Safe for Food?

2010-04-01T18:47:00.000-07:00

Short answer: if it has a seven on it (check the bottom) no its probably not safe. And its really best not to freeze or heat plastic at all. So no micro waves, dishwashers or freezers.

If you want the long answer:

http://blog.healthyeats.com/blog/2009/02/19/plastic-food-container-safety/

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/01/100119092840.htm

There have been studies over the years that state that BPA is not harmful in large doses. However there have also been studies that prove that BPA is even more harmful in tiny doses (The size of doses our body uses for hormones.) Some research has even been done here at WSU. You can read about this in a book called "Slow Death by Rubber Duck" by Rick Smith and Bruce Lourie. (Review) Which although I recommend as very informative may be just a little too informative some points. (Ignorance can be bliss.)

I had been burying my head in the sand about this one. I mean I knew that BPA was very probably bad but I didn't act on it at all and now I just hope its not too late to avoid breast cancer and all sort of other really horrible things.

Pillow

2010-03-19T11:30:00.000-07:00

The other night I wanted to do a quick project. So I fixed an old pillow I have: You can see it was in bad shape. The stuffing was falling out all over the place. I figured that I should make an inside pillow form so I grabbed an old piece of muslin from my mom's scrap box and carefully slit open the already gaping side of the pillow. Then I pulled out the stuffing and using the old pillow sleeve as a pattern cut the muslin to the same size. (Sorry I have no pictures)Then I sewed around the muslin square leaving a hole for the stuffing and turned in right side out, ironing the edges and corners. I stuffed the stuffing into the form, and pinned the hole closed. My mom kindly hand sewed it closed like so: Then I put the old cover back on and sewed it closed again. Here it is all finished. :) Hooray for quick projects!

Hat!

2010-03-18T11:18:00.000-07:00

Now that I have my camera back online (see yesterdays post) I am putting up pictures of the projects I finished in the last few months. a few months ago my friend wanted a wizard hat and asked me to help him make it. We spent a whole month working out how to make it, and getting the materials together, but only two days working on it. Here he is modeling it. I'm so proud.

If you would like to make one for yourself here is the online pattern that I used:

http://www.sallypointer.com/gandalfhat.htm

The web site seems kind of touchy so if the link above doesn't work just search for Sally Pointer.

My Camera is Back in the Game

2010-03-17T10:34:00.000-07:00

I finally sat down and did what needed to be done to make the digital camera hook up to the computer. Hooray! Ticker tape parade!

See what happened was, on the day of my grandpas funeral the computer refused to boot up. It just had a black screen and made agonized grinding noises. Rather than try and figure out why it wouldn't even turn on, my mom and I bought a new one. We didn't have the energy to be upset, and in a way it seemed wrong to be upset about an inanimate object when my grandpa had just died. Of course repression of feelings for any reason is always interesting, because feelings work themselves out in strange ways.

For example: not getting the photos off of the old computers hard drive. Like Shrodinger's cat they are inside the hard drive. It is impossible to know if they are alive or dead. We won't know until we open the hard drive. Sometimes I think I'd rather live in ignorant bliss than know that they have all been lost forever. Sometimes I really want those pictures. I have a friend who will help me with removing them from the hard drive. It always helps to have a friend hold your hand for such emotionally charged situations.

Thankfully I had all my writing backed up through Mozy and I could just automatically download it onto the new computer. I shudder to think of what would have happened to my ability to write if that had not been the case.

But I fixed the camera all by myself today! I now can hook up the camera to the computer again and download on new pictures whenever I want.

Breathing Earth

2010-03-07T10:51:00.000-08:00

This website is pretty nifty:

http://www.breathingearth.net/

Apple Kind of Sucks

2010-03-06T14:03:00.000-08:00

Yes I know I will never hear the end of this from my friends who love Apple, but hear me out... well actually read this and then tell me I'm crazy:

http://www.cracked.com/article_18377_5-reasons-you-should-be-scared-apple_p2.html

I have also read rumors about them using parts that have to be mined in country's that use horrible environmental practices and are police states. And they have admitted to using child labor. I have yet to substantiate these rumors but then again I didn't really want to know that my little laptop contained toxic substances banned in Europe. (Another rumor) So I've ignored the bad buzz. But I guess I'm just going to have to start paying attention. Sigh...

Climategate?

2010-03-03T14:08:00.000-08:00

There are people who truly believe that the Holicost is a hoax and that no one ever walked on the moon. That all the pictures were faked. The question I have for these kinds of conspiracy theories is "who profits from it?" the thing is no one profits from the Holicost so in a way it makes no sense for it to be a hoax. Folks who think moon landing was fake have more reason, after all the government put a lot of money into NASA. I have not done the research so I can not actually say that we did go to the moon. (but I think we did)

But you can see my logic here. If there is no profit a conspiracy don't really make sense. Which is why I have so much trouble with people like James Inhofe a senator of Oklahoma. I read an interview between him and Amanda Little on Grist, this is a quote:

Q. I’m trying to clarify the motivation behind the hoax. Why would these scientists want to deceive the global public?

A. It’s very clear that when you have the U.N. behind it, and you have all the Hollywood people moving in, you have the Heinz Foundation, that’s John Kerry’s wife—a lot of very wealthy people.

Many of [the scientists] know that if they were recipients of grants in the past, that could well be cut off. Or if they haven’t had them, they would want them. The complaints I had brought to me were from scientists who said that many scientists had been intimidated into saying things that weren’t true because of that leverage that has been used.

Q. So you believe the scientists and the U.N. are in it for the money?

A. Well, that enters into it, yes.

He never really says why they are doing this. First he says that the scientists are saying this stuff because of grant money and he implies that its to gain money but when pressed he says no actually scientists are forced to say that climate change is happening by the UN and John Karry's wife because they need grant money. But he doesn't say what the UNs motivation is for forcing the scientists to say that climate change is happening.

Later in the interview he says that the Pentagon never made a statement suggesting that climate change is happening. Which is a strait up lie. I quote the DODs Quadrennial Defense Review:

Climate change and energy are two key issues that will play a significant role in shaping the future security environment. Although they produce distinct types of challenges, climate change, energy security, and economic stability are inextricably linked. The actions that the Department takes now can prepare us to respond effectively to these challenges in the near term and in the future.

He just seems really out there. I mean if he had facts why doesn't he say them?

Nutters and More Nutters

2010-02-25T10:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my friend sent me this article:

http://www.miamiherald.com/2010/02/21/1492484/facts-no-longer-mean-what-they.html

My mom and I increasingly complain about this phenomena. People who absolutely refuse to listen to reason, and complain about any fact spoken that doesn't align completely with their own. Often accusing the speaker of partisanship, when the fact is in fact a fact. There is no partisanship in facts or information. This reasonless behavior is really scary. I guess we aren't the only ones to notice it.

It reminds me of my favorite shows called Midsomer Murder (yes it is spelled strangely): the Sargent is asked by someone "Is this a normal day?" He answers. "Nutters and more nutters. Yep."

I laughed so hard.

Gender F*@king

2010-02-13T11:36:00.000-08:00

My mom told me about a woman she once knew who would say the most outrageous things and then would announce “I'm just messing with you.” as if that made up for it.

I'm not sure but I think the thing my mom hated most was how she wanted to hurt that woman, really physically hurt her. My mom is not a violent person at all and I think that woman must have been more than outrageous to inspire such a reaction. I wonder if that lady ever pulled her shitck on the wrong person, because there are people in the world who would take what she said personally. They would get mad and they would express their anger with violence. Some people might say that its horrible that anyone would react to words with violence, and some would modify that with violence is never right, unless it is in self defense.

Thing is words effect people. They are meant to. We can use words to help or to wound. We know this and yet we pretend that they mean nothing. This lady used words as a weapon and lashed out at people and then she hid behind a shield of words and laughed. If she had used a knife everyone would side with the person who was wounded and the violence exacted by the wounded would be seen as justified. But she didn't, she used words.But isn't it violent to knowingly inflict anguish, torture, or embarrassment on another person regardless of how you do so? If that violence is inflicted with a word rather than a sword is it any less of an attack?

I had a friend once who told me that she liked to f%#k with peoples heads about gender. Inside I cringed, because I hate it when people f*#k with my head. It sucks when you realize you have been the butt of someones joke and that you aren't laughing. Why would it be any better when its about gender?

I told myself that perhaps she meant it figuratively rather than literally. But over the course of the rest of the conversation I realized that she had meant exactly what I had first heard. She liked to mess with peoples heads. She liked to dress and act in a way that made it hard to tell if she was a man or a woman. She felt that two genders were limiting and that we had an obligation to force people out of their outmoded ideas.

This was kind of ironic considering that she had almost cried when a little old lady had called her sir when she held open a door. She hadn't really considered how her behavior was actually going to effect other people and how they would react.

Over the last couple of decades I think the gender lines have decayed. As far as I have been able to gather, it used to be if a person presented as male they were treated as male, if they presented as female they were treated as female. This made things stable. The lines may have been unequal, they might have been arbitrary, but everyone knew where they were. That stability made it safer for those who needed to communicate across the boundaries of sexuality. They made it possible for people to interact with each other in a sane and functional way.

Now of course we don't have those stable rules partly because of people like my friend. I don't really like the gender bender thing. Its not practical. When we tear down the house where are we going to live? If we destroy all the phone lines how are we going to telephone our friends? It doesn't seem necessary to start over from scratch. I believe in doing right by others and treating other people the way that they want to be treated and the whole gender f*&king movement seems to go against that ideal. I think that violence of this sort is likely to cause more violence of the physical kind we actually perceive as violence and that is just going to impede the cause of creating a just and accepting world where everyone is tolerant of Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Transgender people.

What I mean is we will need to create new inclusive norms. Some would say that is exactly what the Gay Lesbian Bisexual and Transgender (GLBT) community, doesn't want. After all they want people to be tolerant not exclusionary. But I think thousands of years of human history and scientific inquiry show that in a way that is completely impossible. Humans are tribal. Tribal means identifying with tribe and protecting that tribe against outside forces. As human beings we always see people as an 'us' and a 'them'. So in a way, the GLBT has to accept that to be accepted we have to become what we hate: normal.

Unemployment

2010-02-09T11:27:00.000-08:00

This is a very interesting little video. It sort of belies all the economists saying that things are bouncing back.

http://cohort11.americanobserver.net/latoyaegwuekwe/multimediafinal.html

Happy Birthday to Me!

2010-02-08T10:02:00.000-08:00

Today is my birthday. I'm 29. It feels a bit odd. Although apparently I don't seem that old. I went out to brunch with my parents and the waitress thought I was too young for coffee. She gave both my parents cups but not me, and then she asked if I would like orange juice or hot chocolate to drink. I thought it was kind of cute actually.

Thoughts

2010-02-07T09:55:00.000-08:00

Outside of size the real difference between an child and a grown up is knowledge. Kids have not had enough time to gain knowledge. Most people I knew growing up really wanted to be as adult as possible as soon as possible and yet obtaining knowledge seemed to fall by the wayside in that pursuit. I know too many people of my generation who don't know basic skills such as cooking or budgeting, much less mending or sewing. Mostly because such things are not valued in our society.

But if you think about it. Not knowing how to make food, infant-tizes a person. Making them dependent on others for a basic staple of life. Yet people are proud of the fact that they can't cook. They brag about it. “I have to order out every meal.”But then when they eat home made food with me they suddenly sing a different tune. “This is good, no this is really good. How do you do this?”Food is not seen as valuable in our society. But that is partially because my generation hasn't eaten real food. They have only had processed foods. Which don't taste that good and really don't feed your body in the same way that real food does. I know, because I have had both and real food makes you feel different. It makes you feel alive in a way that processed food just doesn't. And it makes me sad that there are people on this planet who have never eaten real food. They don't know what it tastes like and they don't know what it feels like to truly be healthy. Because unless you feed your body it is essentially starving. Its running on empty. Technically you are alive but you are not well. And the difference between being alive and being well is... indescribable.

I wish everyone could have real food and feel the difference, I think it would turn people away from this strange and detrimental mania they have with efficiency and allow them to see that life can be better when it is full of life. Because what makes real food real is the life it has in it. I call it life because that's an easy way to look at it but you could call it nutrition too. It tastes better because it has nutrients and probiotics as well as all sorts of other things that science has yet to research and understand. What little research has been done shows that the way food is treated has a huge influence on how that food treats you when in enters your body. Which seems pretty reasonable to me but go's directly against our established agricultural architecture.

I feel sometimes like every little bit of happiness and health that I have is despite the food system rather than because of it. I feel strange and weird when people find out that I like doing dishes and cooking and gardening. I like making meals and taking time out to eat them. I like not being rushed.It seems odd that this enjoyment of simple things feels almost like a dirty secret that I should hide from strangers. I feel like a oddity and a freak. As if I should conceal it like a boil or a perversion. And its true that many people have given me odd glances and told me to my face that I am a freak for how I feel about food. It has contributed to my alienation from certain people, and I'm sure it will in the future as well. Yet in a big way I feel more connected to my world because of my new found understanding of food. I feel connected to my ancestors and the earth and to the other people in the world who are trying right now to live sustainable lives and eat real food and get away from the big ag idea of efficiency and profit.

So its not a bad thing but its not any easy one either. I have been told many times by my mother, that nothing good is easy, so I will hope that it is true in this instance as well.

Groundhog Day

2010-02-02T21:48:00.000-08:00

Today is Groundhog Day. It may actually be one of my favorite holidays. There are no presents, no cards, no obligations yet in my family we have a tradition. We watch Groundhog Day with Bill Murry every year.

I really like that movie. Every time I watch it I see something new. I was watching the scene near the end where Bill Murry is lying in bed with Andie McDowell who is drifting in and out of sleep, he takes advantage of the moment to tell her his feelings about her. He tells her how she's the prettiest sweetest person hes ever met and how hes never met anyone who is as nice to people as her. Well as I was watching this time, something clicked in my head. That's one of those things that I paid attention to as a child, even if only subconsciously. I wanted to be the sweetest nicest person, not necessarily because Bill Murry would fall for me, (although that would be nice) but because I really liked her. She may not have been the main character but she defiantly influenced him. Hooray for movies encouraging us to be better people.

Holy Cow!

2010-02-01T22:07:00.000-08:00

I had a bit of a lift today. I wrote a review on Goodreads about a book that I read called "Your Call (is not) That Important to Us" by Emily Yellin.

I wrote:

This book is very interesting. It sheds light on a topic that I have been thinking about for a long time. Obviously I'm not the only person. It was really lovely to read about the history of call centers, and the progression of history that has led us to how we think about and interact with customer service representatives.

What I enjoyed was that it really is impartial. The author actually just reported the facts of what people are saying about this subject without waxing poetical about how great this is or how evil that is. It was very refreshing. Also there is major information, and citation which I found very cool. I'm surprised by how few authors actually do that anymore.

Sometimes she repeats herself but that's not too surprising considering that a lot of the book is quotations about how other people feel about this subject.

The thing that bugged me reading it was the realization that Americans, have all been relegated to customers rather than people. This is never actually stated during the book but when company reps talk about being kind and doing right, they only do so in relation to the power that a person has as a customer to hurt their companies bottom line. There is no discussion about doing right or ethics by companies only a focus on how to get what the company wants out of the customer while still making the customer happy. Even as they move towards doing right they do so while still thinking in the the very patterns that make customers feel angry and alienated in the first place.

A good book if you are interested in knowing whats going on behind company doors.

Today I received a note from Emily Yellin thanking me for my review!

Betty,

I just read your review of my book. I have never written to anyone who reviews on here. But I wanted to write you to tell you how much I appreciated what you said about the way I constructed the book. I worked very hard to be impartial, because I thought that would be the most constructive thing to do. Some people have not liked that and criticized me for that. I don't mind so much, since I know I did it that way deliberately. The fact that you liked it because I did that, was refreshing to me too. So I thought I would thank you directly.

I loved what you said at the end too. I was bothered by the fact that people in the business world don't do the right thing because it is ethical either. In fact, since the book came out last March, I have given speeches to industry conferences and I have started to talk to them about how they treat people. I have tried to persuade people in corporations to treat people better for the sake of how they affect other human beings with their actions.

I could go on. Just know that I am grateful for your nice review. Thanks for taking the time to write it and thanks for reading my book.

All the best,

Emily

I guess it just gos to show it pays to be honest and nice when you are writing online.

New And Not So New Thoughts About GM Foods and Bio Tech

2010-01-25T09:31:00.000-08:00

I have been reading "Whole Earth Discipline" by Stewart Brand. I haven't finished it yet, I'm mid GM chapter and it has made me think a lot.

First of all he makes broad sweeping statements such as "The science is in. [] GE Foods, because the are so exhaustively vetted, are safer to eat than the new products of conventional and organic farming. In the US, new GE crops are tested by the FDA, the National Institute if Health and the EPA, whereas new crop varieties created by breeding go through no such process."

That statement is nothing if not misleading. Firstly because there have been no long term studies on GM. GM has only been around for 15 years. There is no way to know if it is safe yet. Long term studies are essential for determining if GM foods are truly safe. I point out that Arsenic is also safe at low levels for a long time, then your body becomes accustomed to it and you rely on your daily dose. If you suddenly stop eating it, you die. It is also one of the top 20 most toxic substances known to man. DDT looked completely safe until long term exposure reviled that it had some rather nasty side effects. Same with BPA in plastic. Sometimes things look completely harmless at first, that doesn't mean they are.

The second statement by Brand is also suspect, 'tested by the FDA'. The FDA has no labs, it rely's completely on voluntary studies done by the company's that sell the products. The company can hold back information whenever it wants too. I don't know about the other two agency's but of the few studies that I have read about GM foods. (one from Germany) GM foods actually inflame the intestines of rats and cause sever reproductive problems. I have also read that in once place where they have grown GM cotton with embedded bug repellent, of the 8 cows allowed to graze on the harvest remains in the field (a common practice in pour country's) 8 cows died within 24 hours.

Neither the study or the story is conclusive, but I'm wary of saying the science is in on GM when some of the science clearly states that more testing needs to be done.

He also makes a very typical assumption in logic about GM crop science that has me stumped. He talks about how safe GM corn is and how 'normal'. He shows all kinds of story's by science magazines about how the genetic material is really 'just like' natural genetic material. So no one should be upset about cross contamination. He also gos on to say there is no cross contamination, that its a figment of some 'overzealous environmentalists ' imagination.

But there is evidence of cross contamination. Monsonto has sued several people for it, and is rigorous in testing peoples fields. Monsonto says that because they invented the GM crop and because they hold a patent on it they have utter control over it. If it drifts onto your land they will sue you for patent infringement. The case of Monsanto Canada Inc. v. Schmeiser [2004] is an example although having read through the case I can see where Schmeiser sounds like he was trying to use the patent without paying for it. But the thing I have to wonder is: if this stuff is the same as ordinary plants then why is it treated differently than ordinary plants? What makes it so special? What if it transfers the gene into another version of the plant (which science says that it can) and the whole rest of the plant is different except that gene, is the 'new plant' still held by the patent owner? This really bothers me.

I do have a dislike of Monsonto and its business practises so I am biased. But Brand says nothing that convinces me that he is rational about the subject of bio tech. Brand doesn't even mention the first bio tech that Monsonto got into, cow growth hormones for making more milk. rGBH Which if he wanted to sound rational, he should have addressed. It was a diabolical of the first order. Dairy farmers were already producing too much milk in the US. It was ridiculous to risk cow health and human health to force cows to produce more of something we didn't actually need.

Also he might have mentioned how Monsonto tried to force Ohio farmers, bread basket of the world, to accept GM wheat. They refused and took it to the top levels of the state. Reason being that it was unnecessary to change something that already worked.

Brand doesn't even address this he just says that enviormentalists are paranoid because they don't like big companies and they should get over it because GM is so much better than regular breeding techniques. But what I read about this is that they really aren't. I mean we don't have the technology yet nor the knowledge to understand DNA in order to put genes where they will do what we want. Its basically 'throw a gene that we have an understanding of at a genome and hope it sticks in the right place' kind of science. Scientists do this over and over and grow the subsequent seeds and keep the plants that do what they want. It sounds very similar to regular breeding of plants to me. Lots and lots of failure to get one success. Its not as precise as he makes it sound and there's every chance that it won't be breed 'true' in subsequent generations when breed traditionally.

Brand is talking about using bio tech for people who need it. Those people are generally pour. They are not a market that companies like Monsoto will spend billions of dollars on research and development. Monsonto has a history of shouldering in on established markets and destroying them to make a profit. I don't see how Brand can say that company's like that are not part of the equation of bio tech in our future.

So unfortunately he has yet to convince me of his premise, that to save civilization we must use bio tech.

Airplanes

2010-01-13T14:10:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about air travel. Crazy Aunt Purl was talking about how nice it was when people could still meet you right when you climbed off the plane. And I remember that. It was so nice. You would be tired and feel all iky and you would climb off the plane and there would be the person that you loved right there at the gate and you would fall into there arms and I would usually cry. It was the best.

Now of course because of 9-11 you have to wait until baggage claim and people sometimes miss you and its really nerve wracking. The other day my mom and I were talking about the idiot with a bomb in his underpants this Christmas. And I told her the terrorists had won. After all everyones lives have been turned upside down. We could have all just accepted that air travel was dangerous and taken reasonable precautions but no we completely over reacted and now air travel is similar to a prisons visiting policy.

My mom smiled and said "Well you know Bushes brother worked airport security. It was probably inevitable." Inside I screamed.

Writing

2010-01-12T13:50:00.000-08:00

I have what I think might be a writing group again. Horray!

I never thought it would happen honestly. I've tried all kinds of ways of finding one, and this one just fell into my lap. The way the best things always do.

I've missed my group in Seattle quite a lot. It was nice to know other writers, and talk about how hard it is to be motivated. Most of the time is was an excuse to socialize with people but every once in awhile, it would be the key to helping me kick my butt and do something.

Writing in general is a very solitary activity. You either have a computer or pen and paper and you spend time by yourself thinking up story's and then putting them down on paper. It means you have to be comfortable with yourself on a very profound level, I'm not sure anyone really is that comfortable all the time. Spending time with other people who write seems to help me remember to climb out of myself, refresh my ideas, and in general reboot, but also remember where I was heading when I turned myself off.

The great thing about this group is at least two of the other members write science fiction and fantasy, just like me! Of course right now I'm working on a romance which I'm hesitant to let three nerdy boys read....even if it doesn't have any sex scenes. The world has a warped sense of humor I think.

Capitalism is not the Answer

2010-01-10T16:17:00.000-08:00

Over the years I have met many people who really believe that capitalism is the answer to the worlds problems. I'm sort of appalled by their lack of knowledge about human history. Capitalism is the reason that we are in as much shit as we are right now.
I am reading A Peoples History of the United States and the author talks about how North America, South America, and Africa were all very stable community's before The Europeans started there campaign to rape and pillage as much profits as they could. (Capitalism) He also states that the influx of goods to Spain did not help the country at all. All in all the genocide of the American and African continents did no one except a few rich people any good. And even those who are made rich of the profits of the pain of others have to feel pretty shitty about it if they have any conshonance. I know I feel pretty horifyed by all of the crap that my ansisters did in my name. So in the long run no one has really benefited.

Capitalism and the relentless pursuit of wealth are what has caused global warming, destabilization of civilizations, ruination of reasoures's, genocide, world wars, starvation, most illness, poverty and pretty much all of the other modern ills we know. Yet people are still saying 'Capitalism will save us' 'Consume more and everyone will be saved'.

I think people are stupid.

Sexuality

2010-01-05T16:54:00.000-08:00

Recently was at the used book store and found in the health section a book about sexuality and sex, called Talk Dirty to Me, by Sallie Tisdale. Basically its a series of essays written by the author and published in 1994. I was 13 or so at the time but the book really resonated with me. In fact I might write her a letter. I wrote it but I'm debating about sending it.

The essay thing usually puts me off but she seamlessly blended topic after topic and I never felt thrown out of the book. In fact I was sucked right in, and I didn't want to put it down. But it is such a sexual book that I felt weird about reading it in public, she talks about penises and vagina's very frankly, but that wasn't what made me blush so much as the way she talked about how we feel about sex.

I have never been comfortable with talking about sex as it relates to me. For the most part I have preferred not to be sexualized (except for of course when I want to be sexual) and it was sort of a novel and somewhat pleasant experience to have my prudish shyness ripped away from me. To be told that I was lying to myself about this, that indeed I am a sexual being and I don't need to compartmentalize this aspect of myself. It lasted all of five minutes. Because a lifetime of programing beats an epiphany any day apparently. But the experience did not completely leave me unchanged I just seem so from the outside.

After the Holidays

2010-01-04T16:43:00.000-08:00

The Holidays are done! Hooray! I love Christmas in some ways but in others I feel as if it is a horrible stressful time and inevitably once its over I feel better. Which is why I am so happy, although I really need to get my thank you cards out before I forget. Then the holidays will be truly finished.

New years this year was fun. I haven't done anything for new years in a few years and this year I actually went out, stayed up till midnight, and got drunk! That last bit was very exiting. I haven't drunk anything in ages. Mostly because nausea is not one of my favorite feelings. In fact I think it might even be one of my least favorite feelings.

But as exiting as that was I think even more exiting is having been introduced to so many new people. People who seem nice and I want to hang out with again. And since then I have actually gone out and socialized more than once. Craziness. Its novel and quiet exiting.

Scriptures are not Morality

2009-12-29T10:09:00.000-08:00

I once had a discussion with a Jewish man he was about 24 and I was the same age. We were talking about Turkey and Jews and he was explaining how the experience of traveling to Turkey and seeing his people had really brought him closer to his roots. Somehow as it always seems to to when discussing religion the topic swayed to how he felt more moral because of his religious rules. I asked him if he fallowed his religious teachings. And he said surprised "no". Like it was silly of me to even ask.

I don't usually argue with people, but this was somthing I felt that I knew enough about to really speak clearly so I ended up expressing my true feelings about what he said. I told him that although I am not religious at all I still consider myself very moral, because I have thought about what I deem to be correct behaviour and devised a map for myself. But the reason I feel moral is because I live by that map. I wouldn't feel that I was living a moral life if I had the map but didn't live by it. Its almost as silly as trying to navigate by compass without actually pulling it out of your pocket. And I told him that I find it really rude that a lot of religious people tell me that they are more moral than I am, even though I live by my precepts and they don't.

Now I probably would add that if he doesn't fallow the rules than he needs to make his own rules and live by them. But actually I don't believe in rules so much any more. I think rules are for children and mentally challenged individuals. A rule is too solid and easy to think your way around. For example: Thou shalt not kill.

It seems simple, you don't kill anything, plants, people, animals and then you realize, but we are human beings, human beings eat other living beings in order to live we cause death. So perhaps "thou shalt not kill" only refers to human life? But even there that doesn't really make sense. Most of the time it is wrong to kill another person, but what about if another person is in horrible agony and wishes death but can't kill themselves? What about when a person attacks you or a person you love? What about a serial killer? So in fact the rule is not a rule at all... it is a guideline. Morality extends beyond the rule and a moral person is a thinking individual who can decide based on all of the information of the present situation how to act in an ethical manor.

People who say morality is a trite and stupid thing have obviously never thought about morality. Because actually ethics are very complex and in order to be a person who dose what is right in each situation its imperative to be prepared for each situation. That requires for-thought. Something that many religions eschew, they tell you to rely on faith. Faith that god will somehow guide you though bad situations. But Benjimin Fanklin said "god helps those that help themselves'. And I believe if we want to be a society of moral thinking individuals, we have to start helping ourselves and others to become thoughtful and cognisant of how actions have consequences and how consequences feel for those who are trapped by them.

Love

2009-12-16T14:27:00.000-08:00

The thing about love is that we all want it. We all need it but its increasingly hard to find it in our world of consumptive isolation. So we look for it in odd places and we don't really know what we are looking for because we've never seen it before. The idea of 'you'll know it when you see it' is deceptive. I am supposed to know love because I am loved by my parents. Completely and unreservedly loved. Yet I still have trouble recognizing love in my life. I have been in too many relationships that have brought pain and not even recognized that I needed to leave. I think its is because quite honestly I believe in the innate goodness of people despite my experiences. Not too long ago I realized that I would not really be myself if I gave up on the human race and stopped being with people, and trusting them. And its been really good, Ive met new people and made some friends.

But making friends reminds me of those that I've lost. Its funny how even those people who have harmed me I remember as losses. I am angry and hurt but I still feel that I miss them in my life. Justified as it might be to have removed them from it. After all the pain that they caused was grater than the pleasure of their company. But it makes me wonder, is it that any human contact can feel good if you feel bad enough? Is that why so many people stay in hard and horrible relationships?

Nerds

2009-12-15T16:49:00.000-08:00

I used to believe all nerds were sweet lovely persons with a passion for star trek, sic-fi and perhaps games. But life is nothing if not fair and I have met all kinds of nerds. Nice nerds, friendly nerds, nerds discized as fasinaiztas... But there are unfortunately nerdy jerks. They are just as bad as jock jerks or any other kinds of jerks. They fight differently are aggressive differently but they are just as mean as your average run of the mill selfish clod.

I ran into a couple the other night at game night. Unfortunately I was lured into playing some kind of world building game with them, fortunately their vitriol was directed solly at each other. I escaped as soon as possible and reminded myself "at least it wasn't about you." And I went back to hang out with the nice people on the other side of the room. :)

I've been pretty happy the last few days, although my stress level has not really decreased honestly. My family has scary undercurrents and my mom and I have decide to stand up for ourselves and not invite my aunt to spend two weeks in our apartment. Hopefully we will be forgiven, but at the moment I kind of just want to wash my hands of the lot of them.

My mom mentioned yesterday how her friend from work who had gone to the funeral asked about why we had been relegated to the back bench at my grandpas funeral. At the time I hadn't thought much about it, but now... *shrug*, who knows right?

And the Band Played On

2009-12-07T22:04:00.000-08:00

I have this image of life being like double jump rope, where the two kids stand on either side swinging the rope's and then other girls jump in and then try and jump out again except in life when you loose stride no one stops the ropes, they just keep going with or without you and you can't run out and catch your breath. Its not a perfect metaphor but its accurate for how I'm feeling. I don't have the steps, I knew them and now what I knew seems useless. Like they picked up the pace or slowed it and I'm just a skip behind.

Its not bad in the sense that I'm alive and healthy and I have my family and some of my friends but I do feel just out of phase.

It doesn't help that its so god damn cold. I do not like this cold Sam I am I do not like it here nor there. I do not like it anywhere.

I was reading a book about depression and the author posits that depression is what happens after you deny pain. Denying pain pushes you away from yourself in a way, moving you not just away from pain but also way from feelings in general. Its not a bad thing to do in emergency situations its like using super glue on the battle field. Its the best thing you have on hand, but after battle the wound needs to be stitched up and same with emotions you need to get back in touch at some point. Depression is what happens when you don't. Or so he says. I feel there are some flaws with this. I don't know what they are but I feel instinctively there is at least one. I'll figure it out eventually.

Basically I'm just rambling. I have been meaning to write for ages and have all kind of ideas but I've been too scatterbrained to pull them to the computer. Take care pretty blog and sleep well...

About to Become Smart

2009-11-25T22:07:00.000-08:00

It has just been announced that Pullman is the new testing ground for a 'smart energy grid'. It looks as though they are going to spend a lot of money updating the power stations and hook ups, and putting in technology to encourage energy efficiency in the aria. If it works out they might do it all over the country. I should be more exited about it, after all it is a step in the right direction, but I wish they had done it ten years ago, or twenty. I'm such a grouch. Links to articles about the plan.

http://tinyurl.com/yzch5lz

http://tinyurl.com/yk86tvt

Another Letter

2009-11-23T16:17:00.000-08:00

Well I've done it again. Written to someone else about something I deem important. This time its health care. I'm surprised that the senate even denied to talk about the issue. Apparently they don't have to. But now that they have people are saying that Senator Joe Lieberman can kill the bill if he doesn't like it, and he won't like it if it has a government option in it. Which is not very well thought out of him. I found myself needing to write. I'm going to send a copy of this letter to the Washington State Senators too because he says on his website that he doesn't respond to stuff sent to him from people who arn't his constituents. Hopefuly he still reads it. I figure if I send it to them they might pass along my thoughts. They might be more likely to consider my opinion as well.

The Honorable Joe Lieberman
United States Senate
Washington DC 20510

November 23, 2009,

Dear Senator Joe Lieberman,

Last night I read that the Senate had voted to discuss the health care bill. I felt this was a large step in the right direction, because the problems with heath care in this country effect all of us. Then in the same article I read that many believe that you could kill the bill and will kill it if it includes a government option. I'm hoping that this is an exaggeration, that in fact you are not a close minded individual and are open to discussion and rational debate. I hope that you read my letter and think about what I have to say, because as a US senator you represent all Americans. There are many Americans who are just like me, who don't have time to write to you about this because they figure you wouldn't pay attention anyway.

You are part of the government. Our government is supposed to be by, of and for the people, not by of and for the private insurance industry. Encouraging a bill that does not have a government option for health care is basically giving the private insurance companies government funds. For example, if I'm forced by law to buy insurance I can't afford because I need to pay rent, I will have to apply to the government to pay for it. Many, many working Americans are in this position. It would cost the government a whole lot less, if, instead of giving money to the insurance companies, funds were used to pay for people who were actually sick.

If the Senate passes a health care bill without a government option, it will only be hurting people like myself, by punishing us for what we can't afford. If I could afford health insurance I would buy it. Unfortunately I need to eat and put a roof over my head. After that I need to pay my electricity and heat bills. I don't have five hundred dollars to drop on something as chancy as health insurance, which I may or may not use and which may or may not decide to cover me if I do have a health problem. I've had health insurance through a job or two and let me tell you trying to convince them to pay out is no picnic. Its always a hassle of paperwork and phone calls, sometimes years after a doctor's appointment.

I don't believe health care is a human right but I do believe I should be able to save up to go to the doctor. Unfortunately he won't be able to tell me how much to save, because legally he isn't allowed to tell me how much it will cost. Same thing at the pharmacy, legally they have to fill the prescription before they can tell you how much the drug will cost, and it could cost more or less tomorrow. In no other circumstance would society except such a blatant hoax. If you go to a car mechanic he is obligated by law to give you an estimate of how much it will cost, but a doctor who is going to fix you is under no such obligation. In fact he can and does continue to add charges years later and bill you.

I have a friend who was in the process of applying for state medical coverage but was not yet covered. She had to go to the hospital because she was bleeding from her eyes. She owes the hospital $35,000 dollars, and because she doesn't have insurance they refuse to allow her to make payments. They say she has to pay it all in one lump sum or they will press charges. She was a student and had little savings, now she is blind and can't get a job. She can't pay it off in one lump sum and who has $35,000 sitting around but doesn't have health insurance?

A large number of people who go bankrupt in this country do so because of unexpected medical costs. And something like seventy percent of those people had medical insurance. My Aunt had insurance through her job. She had to go in for cancer surgery. Something went wrong, hospital error, and she was in the hospital for three months. After the insurance paid, she still owes the hospital over a million dollars. She will probably never pay it off. Thankfully she still has her job. Many Americans lose their jobs because they are not able to recover. It's hard to pay off debts if you have no job. It's a sad world where Americans have to be grateful that they will be in debt for the rest of their lives because they had a medical emergency.

Insurance is a risky investment. If it was like paying taxes it wouldn't be but like an investment if you make the right choice you are covered, and if you make the wrong one, your money is gone. With insurance your health is gone too.

I don't think that private insurers are the answer to rising health care costs. I think a single payer health care system is, but I'll settle for the health care bill with a government option.
Yes taxes for the wealthy will go up. I want you to understand that I am not talking about taking away 'rich peoples' money. I'm talking about giving every American the option of emergency medical care. Even the rich would benefit from not having to pay millions of dollars for emergency medical services. Why should they balk at giving poor Americans what the rich already have? The wealthy really won't be paying any more than they already do. They will just be helping everyone rather than only themselves.

Please do a little research. The people who are against a government option are against it because they would lose millions in potential profits. The government option would make that money available to people who actually need it. If your goal is to line the pockets of insurance CEO's, at the expense of millions of Americans then you will vote against a bill with a government option. If however your goal is to serve the American public and to bring peace of mind to millions, you will vote for a pubic option. It all depends on your intentions. You have the opportunity and responsibility to step up and do what's right. Please take it.

Thank you,

Betty Black

Chickens in the Road

2009-11-20T23:11:00.001-08:00

I found something nice to write about! :) One of the blogger's that I fallow, is trying to get a job. If you go to her blog Chickens in the Road (there's another link on the side of my page) you can vote for her and help her get the job. I think it sounds like a great job for her. Shes very positive and I love her goat. The pictures of her trying to get Clover milked are hillarious.

Life Gos On

2009-11-19T22:28:00.000-08:00

Someone told me that introverts are just people who's moods aren't as influenced by the outside world. I realized that means I'm an extrovert. Because I am so influenced by what other people think of me, whats happening to me and even how bright the sky is. (Its really grey lately.) I wish I wasn't so overly influenced by the crap that happens to me. That I could remain cheerful and positive in the face of adversity but instead I find myself struggling. Its hard to be okay with life when something as simple as a phone call from my aunt seems to throw me for a loop.

I have been very off the blog lately. Mostly because I want to write something positive. Something that isn't bitching about traffic (people drive like lemmings in this town), or my family (they suck) or that has some basis in reality (after all most of my mental energy has been in watching TV or reading books to escape reality).

I realized today that I just have to write. Maybe what I have to say isn't that positive, maybe its downright annoying to other people. (I'm sorry if it is) I just can't try to be something that I'm not on here.

Ive had the realization that the fact that people can comment on here is actually part of the problem. I couldn't handle it if someone did say something bad. So I haven't written. Simple. Perhaps another way to fix that is to turn off the comments. The realization that other peoples opinions still matter so much to me, after working for years to get over my feelings of inferiority for not having a nine to five job, is really disappointing. I thought I was better than this. I thought that I had healed from my experiences in Seattle, turns out given a little bit of stress, I turn right back into that person that I don't like so much. But this is what is, this is what I have to work with so for now I am turning off comments. Its not that anyone ever says anything its that that could say say something and that little possibility is just too much at the moment. I will turn them back on when I feel more capable of handling criticism.

Health Care Passes?

2009-11-08T10:17:00.000-08:00

Wow, it looks as though the Health Care Bill passed in the House this weekend. It even has a government option in it. Which the Republicans are making a stink about. Of course I feel that we really need to have a government option but we shall see if this is just a sop or if it really holds up. The other thing that is not covered is abortion, but I figure that's okay, if we can cover catastrophic care for most Americans we won't have so many bankruptcy's every year. We will finally be able to say we are a first world country. Because I'm afraid our policy's are turning it into a a third world one with a high standard of living. We have to large of a divide between the rich and the poor and the issues that our law makers are concerned about aren't the ones that the poor are worried about that's for sure. I have been reading sections of a book called Threshold and at one point the author points out that taxes don't hurt the poor. In fact high taxes bring up the standard of living. The only people that high taxes hurt is rich people. And what issue do we hear about year after year about in this country? Taxes.

Washington Health Care

2009-10-28T14:33:00.000-07:00

I was goofing around online to see if I could get medical coverage in Washington state, for a reasonable amount. For my aria there are no plans for a single female. At all. Crazy right? Well but then I found the Office of the Insurance Commissioner where he laid out his plan for Washington health insurance.

It was the first plan that I have read that actually seems to do what would be necessary to help the people who have problems with health care now. I mean of course the poor. It covers catastrophic health care and basic preventive care with money already used in health care by the state now and then lets people buy health plans for there individual needs through regular insurance. So if you can't afford a plan you aren't obligated to buy one but even so you are covered for stuff like being run over in a crosswalk. Which if you think about it isn't really your fault. Its too good to be true of course but I like it. I hope it will pass. It would be nice not to worry about heath care. After all I think everyone I know these days has or knows someone who has some kind of crazy expensive health problem. Its kind of scary.

Life of a Minion

2009-10-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

I've always felt sorry for those minions in TV shows and movies. It always seemed a shame that they devoted themselves to such megalomaniac bastards and always sunk with their evil bosses in the end. I think the message is: loyalty doesn't pay.

I really never thought I would be in the position of questioning my loyalty as if I was truly a minion as well. I am very aware of the fact that when you are in a relationship with someone and I used the word relationship in all of its variations not just the male/female sexual definition. If you are in a relationship and you choose not to do what the other person needs or wants you threaten the relationship. They can call off the whole thing. With my family who seems to be completely unaware of the rules of basic courtesy I am exceptionally aware of this. The thing is that having subjugated my life for four weeks I'm to the point where I question weather laying waste to our relationship is such a bad thing.

I love my family I do. I want to be a good family member but I don't like getting phone calls night and day always asking for me to change my plans for the day and run around and do what they need me to do. Its frustrating. I very much doubt that I will step up and tell them off but I'm also afraid that if I tell them no about anything I'm going to be kicked out of the family. Its nauseating.

Mambo Italiano

2009-10-26T13:26:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGnh0q4RuQ8

Muppits! Horray!

Engineers and Cats

2009-10-15T23:19:00.000-07:00

This is somthing that made me happy, mabey it will cheer you up too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHXBL6bzAR4&feature=related

Acordian Genius

2009-10-13T19:52:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0Bn4m6dQbI&feature=related

Fun Fun Fun

Death in the Family

2009-10-11T19:00:00.000-07:00

My grandpa died on Tuesday. I've been very preoccupied so I haven't written much. It didn't help that my computer up and died on Friday. Hopefully. I can access my data from Mozy where I had it saved. But I think all our pictures may be gone. I am writing from a brand new computer with a swank new screen and keyboard. And that is the extent on my update for today folks.

Mozart Bond

2009-10-04T12:12:00.000-07:00

This is a great video of some amazing musicians doing a musical joke. Fortunately it is not too high brow and I could catch it. I still have not figured out how to embed videos on this blog. Sorry you have to clink and watch it on U-tube. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvlCu1_noTc

Clam Chowder

2009-10-03T19:03:00.000-07:00

Oh my pour blog so neglected over the last few weeks. I have been very preoccupied with family drama. My grandfather fell and broke his hip. It has been a lot of stress for everyone especially for my grandma. I've been doing my best to help out. But there will be some hard times ahead. I made clam chowder last night and it was a hit with both my mom and my dad. I have to say I liked it myself and I will put it in my file of winter recipes. Hears what I did.

Clam Chowder

Makes four or five servings of chowder.

1 or 2 potatoes
3 strips of bacon
½ stick butter
¼ tsp garlic powder
½ cup flour
One can clams
Thyme
3 bay leaves
Pepper
½ cup heavy cream
2 cups chicken broth
¼ tsp parsley

Wash and chop potatoes into one inch squares and boil till a fork can split them easily. Remove from heat and drain off liquid. Meanwhile cook bacon till crisp and done place bacon on paper towel reserving the drippings. Place drained clams in bacon grease and fry over low heat until done. In a large pot over med low heat put clams with bacon grease, chicken broth, potatoes, and crumble in the bacon. In the same pan the clams were in, heat butter over medium low temperature adding flour until thick, add spoonfuls of the soup mixture and continue to add flour until you have a nice thick roux. Once thick add to soup pot. Continuing to stir, add cream slowly. Continue to cook over low heat for an hour. DO NOT BOIL. The cream will congeal horribly if you do. Serve hot. Re-heat over low heat.

The Room Project

2009-09-27T10:51:00.000-07:00

This is what my room used to look like. Take note of all of the stuff and the color of paint on the walls. Here is another shot of the before. I don't have too many before shots because I forgot to take them until I had repainted half of the room already.

This is what it looks like now. See how much less stuff there is? And the color of the paint is much less yellow. Its still yellow but not as yellow.
This is the other side. Its a little cluttered but nothing compared to what it was like before I painted. I didn't even get rid of that much stuff. I just reorganized it. The biggest thing is I used our NASA space age paint additive and now my room is a lot quieter and looses a lot less air. We used to start out the day at 70 degrees and by the end of the day the apartment would be pushing 80 but after painting we start out at 70 and end up at 75. Which is a five degree difference. I cant imagine how that's going to translate into saving in the winter months.

Can Plastics Make Us Fat?

2009-09-26T20:10:00.000-07:00

This article is awfully interesting and yet it didn't generate much interest.

http://www.grist.org/article/2009-09-21-evidence-mounts-that-plastics-make-us-fat/

9

2009-09-20T16:55:00.000-07:00

I saw 9 today. The new Tim Burton production. He didn't direct it or even write it but somehow it has his stamp all over it anyways. Its about little animated rag dolls running around trying to defeat the evil machines that wiped out all life on Earth. Elijah Woods plays 9 the title character and he stumbles through the movie never really displaying much intelligence. The other characters are also named with numbers, helpfully written on them like footballers. Its pretty dark and I wouldn't take a small child. There's a lot of death. The animation is beautiful and I was completely sucked in so I would say that its not a bad movie. I enjoyed it but it had little depth for a movie that was about such deep subject matter.

District 9

2009-09-12T11:03:00.000-07:00

I went to see District 9 last night. Its the new Peter Jackson movie. He was the director of The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Its bit different than I was expecting. The trailer made it look like an American flying monkey space alien production. All special effects and no substance. The preview doesn't reveal much about the plot, but its pretty straightforward and despite all of the explosions and special effects its got an emotional impact. Its filmed in a documentary, after the fact, I have a hand held camera sort of way.

The beginning reveals that the aliens ship stalled out over Johannesburg 20 years ago and rescue workers and aid workers decided that the aliens need help so they ferry the aliens down to District 9 which is inside Johannesburg. The humans who have to live next to the aliens are mighty displeased and are completely xenophobic. Riots and protests are the norm. So its decided that the alien district needs to be moved.

You have main character (a name I have never heard before and wish I could remember) who is fairly insulated from the aliens but actually knows all kinds of stuff about them, who is in charge of getting all of 2.8 aliens signatures before they are rounded up and moved to a concentration camp. Hes a jovial guy who comes across as a complete shithead as he smilingly torches alien eggs and tricks them into signing away their homes and rights. Its very reminiscent of how Europeans treated the native Americans.

Something gos wrong, hes exposed to something he shouldn't have been and he starts turning into an alien. The government turns against him and starts using him for medical experiments. He escapes and sets about trying to fix himself. Pretty much your typical plot. However its way gorier than I was expecting and no one human ever does anything nice. No one is likable even Mr. main character: hes a despicable human being. A total self absorbed prick.

I did like the alien Christopher and his son. All in all its a pretty dark and sad movie. I came out of it feeling sad about the human race but its well done and I'm glad a I watched it in a sort of masochistic way.

Bad Guys

2009-09-11T12:40:00.000-07:00

I refer you all to a well written post about why bad guys tend to get the babes.

http://civilservant.wordpress.com/2008/05/27/re-why-bad-guys-will-always-get-the-babes/

Red Velvet Cake Sans Red

2009-09-06T08:35:00.000-07:00

Today is my moms birthday and I made her a cake. Last year sometime I bought a red velvet cake mix and made it with butter and buttermilk instead of the regular oil and water. It was pretty amazing tasting and despite the fact that our teeth were funny colors we wanted another one. Of course the grocery store stoped carrying that kind of cake mix and I set about finding a red velvet cake recipe. I found one in a Martha Stewart magazine ad for McCormik Vanilla. It called for milk and sour cream and red food coloring. So I changed that to Buttermilk and no food coloring. It doesn't have as fine of a crumb as I was expecting but it is quite good. And I've always believed that cake is just a vehicle for cream cheese frosting. Enjoy.

Red Velvet Cake, sans Red
2 ½ cups flour
½ cup cocoa powder
1 tsp baking soda
½ tsp salt
1 cup butter, softened
2 cups sugar
4 eggs
1 ½ cup buttermilk
2 tsp vanilla extract
Cream cheese frosting (recipe below)

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees and grease and flour 2 nine inch cake pans. In a small bowl sift together flour cocoa, baking soda and salt. Sifting is necessary to get out all of the little limps of cocoa powder. In a large bowl beat butter till soft and fluffy ad sugar a bit at a time continuing to beat until all combined. Add eggs one at a time beating well. Mix in vanilla and buttermilk. Stir flour mixture in until just blended. Pour into two 9 inch circular baking pans and bake for 40 to 45 minutes in a350 degree oven.

Cream Cheese Frosting
Beat 4 oz of cream cheese together with 4 tablespoons butter and 4 oz sour cream until light and fluffy. Add 16 oz’s of confectioners’ sugar on Medium speed until smooth and spreadable.

Irish Soda Bread

2009-09-05T14:02:00.000-07:00

Today was sort of a gray day and going through my fridge I found I had majorly too much buttermilk, which prompted me to make Irish soda bread and soup. Here is the recipe for the batch of bread I made. It makes one loaf rather than the traditional two. My mom found it in the Sunset Breads books and modified it. Its odd to me that its called soda bread when it has so little soda in it, I'm sure it has some historical reason.

Irish Soda Bread

1 3/4 cups white flour
¼ cup whole wheat flour/oat flour
3 Tbsp. sugar and some to sprinkle on top
1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/16 teaspoon cardamom
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 Tablespoon butter
3/3 cup buttermilk
1 egg

Preheat oven to 375 degrees and grease a 9 inch cake pan. Add all dry ingredients into a bowl and mix well. Cut butter in with pastry blender or two knifes. In a small bowl beat egg and buttermilk, mix into large bowl well. The dough will be sticky press into pan using floured hands. Sprinkle with sugar. Bake for 35-40 minutes.

(Makes 1 loaf).

Old Friends

2009-09-03T16:38:00.000-07:00

Its no secret that I have no local friends. I make them, they move. Its hard after having this happen a few times to force myself to get out there and do it again. But for some strange reason I decided that now was the time to do it. I put up a Craigslist ad and have responded to a few other ads and so far I have met nice people. (knock on wood it will continue)

Today I was able to talk to an old friend of mine and afterwords I felt like I had broken through some kind of barrier that I hadn't known existed. Its very different to talk to someone who knows you well than it is to talk to people who don't know you at all. In fact its the difference between night and day. Talking to her reminded me why I want to make friends. It reminded me why people are worth the effort of getting along with. Its hard to meet new faces and try and guess how they feel and face rejection time and time again but I think its the right thing for me to do.

The Great Time Waster

2009-09-02T12:24:00.000-07:00

I have been sucked into Facebook. It is a huge time waster. And I'm not sure if its even valuable in some ways. Its nice to feel connected to people but... it also feels really two dimensional and kind of silly. Not that this stops me from checking my status all the time, after all people who never e-mail me talk to to me on Facebook. I wonder about that. Is it because its easier or because there is less pressure to perform?

And can life really be relegated to sound bite size and still be entertaining in a truly filling way? I may have to delete my account to get off. I'm not sure I have the will power to break the habit any other way.

Triple Chocolate Pretzels

2009-08-26T13:58:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how appetizing this picture makes these pretzels look but they really look luscious on the plate as messy and lumpy as they are.

I made them for the Condo Pot Luck on Tuesday night. Unfortunately I pulled my usual stunt of not reading the recipe before starting and found that they needed an hour of chill time. Turns out they don't thankfully because I had just enough time to dip them in the chocolate glaze and hurry down to the potluck as it was. Which left off the third white chocolate line that they were supposed to have and don't because I'm way too lazy to melt white chocolate and pipe it on just for myself.

These cookies are majorly good but they are a bit fiddly so I would only make them for an event rather than 'just because'. The trick to the glaze is to have your dipping bowl only half and inch filled with chocolate. Then the pretzel dips but doesn't suck up half the glaze and make a huge puddle on the waxed paper. I'm sure all true cooks already knew this fact but I found it out the hard way and thought I would pass it on.

Triple Chocolate Pretzels

I found this recipe in Christmas Cookies From Your Favorite Brand Name Companies. It called for chilling the dough for one hour but I found that unnecessarily dried out the dough and made it hard to work with. It makes exactly four dozen cookies.

2 squares unsweetened chocolate (one once each)
½ cup butter softened
½ cup granulated sugar
1 egg
1 1/2 cups to 2 cups flour
1 teaspoon vanilla
¼ tsp salt
Mocha glaze (recipe fallows)
2 oz white chocolate

Melt unsweetened chocolate in double boiler and cool. Cream butter and granulated sugar in large bowl until light and fluffy. Add egg and melted chocolate: beat until fluffy. Stir in flour, vanilla, and salt until well blended.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees lightly grease pan or cover with parchment paper. Divide dough into four chunks divide each of those chunks into 12 pieces. Form 6 inch long snakes with each of the 12 chunks and shape into a pretzel. Space cookies 2 inches apart on sheet and bake 7 to 9 minutes. Cool on wire wrack. When cool dip in mocha glaze and place on waxed paper. For added firmness place in freezer for and hour before melting the White chocolate in a double boiler and piping on neatly or drizzling over the top of cookies to decorate.

Mocha Glaze

1 cup semi sweet chocolate chips
1 tablespoon butter
½ cup powdered sugar
3 to 5 tablespoons hot water or coffee

Melt butter and chocolate in double boiler. Stir in one tablespoon water at a time and alternate with powdered sugar until a smooth glaze forms.

Dracula

2009-08-13T09:54:00.001-07:00

This is our Dark Angel Dracula Dalia. The nursery had one called the Nosferatu, but this one is awfully pretty.

Bounty

2009-08-09T21:35:00.001-07:00

This is a picture of the second carrot from the garden this year. Isn't it huge?

Here you can see its 6 inches! And it was delicious.I think we will wait to dig any more potatoes. This guy was a little small. :)

American Necessity's

2009-08-07T10:28:00.000-07:00

My mom sent me an e-mail with this link:

http://pewsocialtrends.org/pubs/733/luxury-necessity-recession-era-reevaluations

The article is entitled Luxury or Necessity? The Public Makes a U-Turn by Rich Morin and Paul Taylor, of the Pew Research Center.

Apparently Americans think a lot of things are necessity's, such as microwaves, dishwashers, cars, air conditioning, and cloths dryers. And the list of what Americans think are necessity's has been growing larger over the last few years but the economic down turn has turned this trend
around and people are saying that they don't think as many things are necessary anymore.

I looked at the list and was surprised by how many things I thought were 'necessary' to my life even though I know they aren't. It included car, landlines, TV, home computer, cell phone, and Internet.

The only things on the list that I thought I could live without but actually have are: clothes dryer, air conditioning, microwave, dishwasher, and i-pod.

And then the only things I don't have on the list were: flat screen plasma TV, and cable TV.

I am so disappointingly main stream.

Open Windows

2009-08-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

In the summer its nice to be able to open your windows and cool down the house. I think this practice is pretty common. So it seems odd to me that winter is actually quieter than summer. This morning I was woken up twice by excessively loud cars and siren's. And to be honest that's not unusual. Last night as I drifted of to sleep I had to listen to someones horror movie on on one side and someones deck party on the other.

I've thought a lot about how aggravating I find noise. I get really annoyed, and feel really put upon by it. Everyone has told me that its no big deal, I tried to believe them and get over it but I couldn't. Every time I find myself trapped in a situation where I have to listen to other peoples noise I start out okay but get tenser and tenser and finally I feel so helpless I cry or I get mad. There's no way to control the feelings, they just happen.

Then one day I watched a documentary about noise and violence and the narrator stated that something like 80 % of all murders in Briton in some year were noise related. And soon after that I heard about an informal study done in a prison. The prison needed to do some remodeling so half of the inmates had to listen to construction for 8 hours a day and the other half of the inmates didn't. Violence skyrocketed in the noisy half. After that I read study after study proving that noise effects people in a profound way and I've come to the realization that I'm not just sensitive to noise. Its something else. Noise is the precursor to violence. Its the warning sign that violence is about to happen. Dogs growl and bark before they fight most other creatures do too. Humans are no different. We talk shit or yell (noise) but the next step is violence.

We have surrounded ourselves with noise, and we wonder why people are nervous, anxious, depressed, and suicidal. Its because everyone feels on edge and you can only feel that way for so long without cracking physiologically. I had this thought about how in this town there are always people playing there stereos outside or inside so loud that people can hear them across town. I was thinking that if Pullman passed a noise ordnance that instead of giving fines actually confiscated peoples stereos people would stop.

So say Bob has a fancy sports car with a souped up engine and a mean stereo system. Hes got it on at top volume with the bass so loud people windows are vibrating as he drives by. In my version of Pullman he could be pulled over by a police car and then have his car impounded. It would only take once. Bob would stop driving around with his stereo that loud, and we wouldn't have to feel annoyed and helpless.

Now every time someones annoying me with noise I just imagine the police knocking on there door and confiscating their stereo. It cheers me up immensely.